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My husband wants me to have an abortion - 41 yr od pregant

Community Member

I am very confused as of the moment. I am now 9 weeks pregant. When I told me husband, he was not happy and told me to terminate as it was unplanned. He said he is alreayd old (49 yers old) and he is can't be with the baby for the rest of his life. He said it because he is a heavy smoker and drinker. He is also worried about our finances. Although, we only have a mortgage to worry about and I also work. My daughter from my previous marriage is now 19 years old whom he raised. So we don't have a dependent except when I continue this pregnancy. I was in a prolonged contraceptive pills since my daughter was born. My husband told me he had vasectomy since we met 10 years ago. However, although I don't believe it, I thought he might just be joking. To be safe I still take pills. I stopped my pills a year ago and just do widrawal. To my surprised, I got pregnant. So I thought this might be a blessing. Because of that, I want to keep it. However, because of my age, I know that I am at highrisk and the baby can have down syndrome. I am worried about this a lot. I already talk to the doctor and we will get a test from down syndrome at 12 weeks. The other day, I talked to my husband about the pregnancy once again and I asked him 2 questions, I asked if he would support the baby or not. He said he has no choice because he is screwed. Reagardless if I stay with him or leave, he said he will have and be forced by law to support it. In that aspect, I know that he knows hes obligation. Because of this, I thought I should stay and hopefully, it will be okay after the baby is born. However, talking to my adult daughter, she was very supportive emotionally, she told me that my husband although a good man can be narcisistic. I was surpised she said that. She told me that my husband always wants to only listen to himself and is narrow minded. So I thought, do I want to live the rest of my life with him knowing him as a person. But at the other side, I love him and I don't know if leaving him is an option because I don't know if I can survive on my own. Although, I have a stable job for now, I don't know about the future. I am a migrant without a family in Australia except my daughter. She is still livign with us but never help in financel at home yet. Although I don't get along with my inlawes, I think they can be supportive especially the parents of my husband.

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

The choice to have the baby born is yours and in consideration of your husbands views. Your views is important, more important than you give credit for and your daughter might be accurate with her feelings that your husband is over controlling.

In 99% of cases like this the other party warms to the newborn quickly so I think he is just annoyed that his baby/child free life is not happening as a baby will tie him down even if you separated.

Is his selfishness, his lifestyle, more important than a baby being born that he had a large 50% part in the process?

I hope I’ve helped. Your daughter sounds very clever


Community Member

Hey there

I'm with you, I think it's a blessing that you are pregnant. Hopefully your husband comes around and you can agree on whatever decision you make.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi everyone and to Chica welcome to bb lovey you've as you can see landed at a very caring supportive site ☺

You're in a particularly hard situation here poor love.
I'm hopeful that from what you've very well explained that's going on that hubby might accept at his pace this is what's happening.

Encouraging words from White Knight about 99% adjust. I've found as a rule most people don't embrace change easily or quickly but do in time and we are adaptable.

I too feel that ultimately this is your choice because I'm assuming by his reactions you'd be the main caregiver and if you had an abortion which you're not wanting I feel it could plague you for the rest of your life which would be cruel when it's unnessecary.

It's amazing they can tell at 41 wks if the child will have down syndrome.
My feelings are you'd love and care for the child either way but that's for later to consider and your choice.

I also understand hubbys entitled to his feelings and is being honest.
And agree there's a degree of selfishness there but can also see where he's coming from being used to a particular lifestyle but I still believe it's your call Chia ☺

Lovey something you mentioned that I hope you might consider thinking about is that you feel you couldn't manage being on your own.
A very reasonable feeling especially away from most of your family but not necessarily how if need be, it'd be.
It'd certainly be an adjustment that in time becomes easier but often is the case we're capable of a lot more than we think. I hope it doesn't come to that. Just saying ☺

Yes your daughter certainly does seem to be clued up.
Possibly although I imagine hard hearing it, good to be aware she might be right because that would be influencing his decision.

I'm glad you have your daughter living with you and now you have people here that are happy to support you and hopefully help with experiences and thoughts.

Hope to hear how you get on darl
Wishing you every chance at happiness ⚘