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My husband told me he's not in love with me anymore.

Community Member

I'm unsure where to start.....

For months I've felt like my husband didn't think I exsisted ​and wouldn't show any affection towards me so I kept asking him if he's ok, which he'd always respond with yes all is good. Last week after telling him I can't keep going on like this with him being so distant he finally told me his feelings for me aren't as strong anymore and he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship anymore and I deserve someone better. I'm so confused because he's still here, still sleeping in our bed, giving me a kiss on the forehead and saying he loves me before work every morning. I keep telling him I'm not giving up on him and he always responds with he's not a good man and I deserve better than him. I don't know what to do as he says he loves and cares for me but he's not as in love with me but he doesn't want to push anything. I'm getting so many mixed messages from him and I've been miserable to the point where I just want to hide and disappear. I just want the pain of it all to stop.

4 Replies 4

Community Member

Dear KatJD

Firstly welcome to the Beyond Blue Forums and thank you for sharing your story with us.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're not in a good place at the moment but it's good that you're reaching out on these forums.

I cannot offer you much advice I am sorry but I can sit with you and chat.

You sound like you love your husband very much. Would he consider some marriage counselling at all? If not, perhaps you could have some counselling on your own first to talk about how you're feeling at the moment.

I noticed he said that "he's not a good man and you deserve better"...could he perhaps be suffering from a bit of depression.

Perhaps you could organise a time to sit down together and really talk about this.

Im thinking of you and here for you. Sorry I couldn't offer more advice.

Emmy xx

Community Member
I agree with Emmy. I think it would be good to have a sit down chat and tell him that you're confused about the mixed messages he is sending you. It would be good to remind him of all the things that made you drawn to him and made you want to commit to him, maybe that's something he needs to hear right now since he sounds really down on himself? Try not to be overly suspicious or jump to any conclusions and remind him that you're ready and willing to listen and talk to him about what he's feeling.

Community Member
Evening KatJD. Just stopping by to say hi and see how you're getting on? Emmy x

Community Member
Hey KatJD, I've been on the receiving end of this before and it really hurts. The worst part is that you can't really argue with "I don't love you anymore". Its not like a relationship issue that can be resolved through compromise. I mean, what do you say, "Could you try loving me again?" Even though I was absolutely devastated when my partner dropped that bomb on me, I was able to feel some empathy towards him. It was mixed up with a lot of pain and frustration, but I knew that he genuinely cared about me and didn't want to hurt me but that it wasn't fair to either of us to keep pretending everything was fine. We shared a bed until I moved out too, I guess I was hoping that would change his mind. It didn't. It took a good six months to finally accept that he wasn't going to change his mind and come back. It helped to have my friends and family around so I didn't drift off too deeply into that whole "what is wrong with me, am I unlovable??" circle of thought. It sounds like he feels guilty for causing you pain, but he's not doing you any favours by continuing with the usual routine. I hope you are able to talk it out and make a decision about what to do next.