my gf and i are on a break and im pissed and mad and scared she will break up with me and forget about me

[Ssangcham]

my gf of 8 months said she wanted a break but we still saw eachother after a week i told her i would rather not talk to you so your choice is to etiher get back with me now or ill just stop talking to you until you are ready or when i finish my year 12. so cried and a lot of gave me all her affection and hugged me and held me tight and she told me yes eventhough im only able to see you once a week. back story is my gf and i saw eachother pretty often but due to our schedules and her parents not letting her go out on weekdays to go study at monash which is close for both of us so i can both see her and study at the same time. but it started to lower and we both really started to get stressed out and lost feelings. well after 2 days of getting back together again all her worries came back i did see her for both days but for one day i didnt see her she had these thoughts and i was so confused and annoyed. we have restrictions because we are different shes in uni and im in year 12 still. her parents dont let her go out, we dont have much money to go out a lot and do things that we would enjoy. she always paranoid of being caught which makes her unhappy when shes with me eventhough shes having fun. i told her lets stop talking for while because i was so mad. i still want her i still wanna fight for her eventhough she doubts she will she wont be scared of her parents founding out. what can i do what should i do i love her. but im also mad and depressed i cant stop crying and screaming internally. ive lost motivation of year 12 because of this. i cant let go of her because she was perfect until this happened. why is life so bad for me family problems, have a messed up knee, finnical problems mental problems please help me

[PamelaR]

Hi Ssangcham and warm welcome

It's good you've found your way here to our community. Life does sound a bit difficult for you at the moment. Year 12 can be such an important year for your future and to feel like you've lost motivation is frightening.

So much is happening - your gf's frightened her parents will find out that she's seeing someone, you've got a knee that's messed up, financial problems and mental health conditions. There's so many emotions that you're carrying and these are interfering with you focusing on your last year at school. Have I understood you correctly? Please let me know.

You talk about crying and screaming internally. I've always found that letting the tears flow and actually screaming to be very effective ways of releasing all those emotions that are upsetting me. Of course I've had to find ways of screaming that don't frighten others, like doing it out in bush when no one else is around, or driving the car (love this the best - because I can scream so loud). Have you ever tried letting the tears flow and the screams go?

What would happen if you put your relationship with your gf on hold until after you finish year 12? Is it possible to do that? Maybe by then things will have settled for you both and you may be able to save up some money to do things next year.

Hope some of this helps Ssangcham. Keep reaching out if and when you want.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Ssangcham]

Hi sam,

its just that our relationship was on and off for abit we got back together because she didnt wanna lose me at all when i did tell her i would wait till i finish year 12 so we can go out and hang out a lot more but it was hurting me a lot talking to her and still seeing her. we went out to hang out. we had a great and fun time during our "break" but she wasnt happy because she was really paranoid of being caught by her parents. i told her i didnt wanna talk to her anymore or see her until she was ready so we got back together because of that. than after a day of seeing her and this is when i got injured i was supposed to see her the next day to watch a movie, but i couldnt so on that day she messaged me she had these thoughts again about being scared of her parents finding out. money, restrictions i was annoyed i told her lets not talk for awhile because i felt as if we both needed this space to grow because people said its not my fault its hers. i dont know if this is true of not. i just wanna give her all of me when i finish year 12.

Kind regards

[Ssangcham]

hi pamela

what do you think is the best thing to do get her back and have her not be paranoid anymore

[Paw Prints]

Hello Ssangcham,

I get that you don't want to break up, but I think it might be best for both of you to take a break until you have finished your studies for the year. The end of the school year is only a few months away, if your relationship is one that can last, then a short break until then won't hurt it long term.

As to her being paranoid about her parents, that won't change until she is honest with them, you can't change that. From what you wrote earlier I get the impression they don't want her going out during the school year, so it may mean that it will be easier for you both to see each other when the school year ends.

Paw Prints

[Ssangcham]

well honestly shes talking to other guys and somewhat flirting is she trying to make me jealous so that i would talk to you?

[Ssangcham]

her*

[Paw Prints]

Hello Ssangcham,

Not knowing either of you I can only speak in general terms.

The first thing is, there is no place for jealousy in any relationship. Genuine relationships are built on trust, whether simple friendship or romantic.

"shes talking to other guys and somewhat flirting"

Whether the two of you are in a relationship or not it is still perfectly acceptable for her to talk to other people, male or female. Is she flirting or is it because of how you feel that you are you seeing her behaviour as flirting? If she actually is flirting then I think it would be best to assume she is not interested in a steady relationship. If it is only your perception then perhaps you would be best to spend some time thinking about the importance of trust & why it is important to accept people as they are.

Paw Prints

[Ssangcham]

im just worried shes suffering and wants me to reach out to her but im fine im happy talking to friends and old friends again. i just want her to be fine till im done just the feeling of being able to do what i wanted without feeling a guilty. we havent spoke for 2 weeks now because we are on break just to rephrase

[Ssangcham]

she also changed her feed a bit she added "right person but wrong time"with a love heart (my friend told me this).