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My Children Are Being Kept From Me

Community Member


I am a father of 2 girls 6yrs and 8yrs. My previous marriage with their mother broke down over two yrs ago and as of the past 12months their mother has began to utilise the girls to get to myself in the way of withholding them from myself and stopping communication, dictating to me that I will only see and speak to them when she wants and how she wants and if I do not I will not see or speak with them.

I am at breaking point as all I want is to be a part of my daughters life and have a meaningful relationship with then but this is being disrupted at every turn just to hurt myself emotionally.

She took a DVO out on myself in December last year. How do you prove that something did not happen? How do you provide evidence that something did not occur if there is no evidence to give? After several months of fighting and throwing thousands of dollars at legal fees, I decided to consent without admission to just make it go away. This was a decision made as at that time, my daughters were withheld from me until a final order was issued. I rolled over and copped something just to be able to see my girls.

I keep being threatened that she will use the DVO against me if I don't do as she wants. I am allowed only 1night a fortnight with the girls. I have been requesting for 2nights per fortnight for 18months to which keeps being rejected. Mediation did not eventuate so now I have finally obtained a cert to go to court for a magistrate to rule when I am allowed my girls. In the past month she has stopped access all together as she doesn't want me to have access till parenting orders are enforced.

I am now at breaking point and think it would be easier to turn and walk away. I am lost and over the whole saga. I have never understood how a parent can walk away from their own flesh and blood. I now understand that there is a number of parents who don't walk away, they are pushed away.

How do I move forward as I am spent and the legal system tells me to suck it up and just wait. How long? Maybe a yr, maybe 2? Who knows.

All I want is my daughters to be part of my life. All I want is for my rights as a father to be accepted and to stop being told to roll over and cop it.

I love my daughters but I'm nearly done.

I can say that I have overwhelming support from my girlfriend. She has been amazing throughout but this is also taking a toll on her as well as myself.

I need advice as to how to progress or how to deal with this until the legal system can finally help me

7 Replies 7

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Lachy i am in a different situation but similar. try mens line they may be able to help. They mainly help blokes going through divorce who have children and still wanting access.

Give them a try


Community Member

Does the dvo state you can't have contact with the children or just her?

If it's just her, you can go pick them up from school early and there's nothing she can do about it.

Unfortunately people feel they have more power and rights over children then the other parent, which in reality isn't the case you have equal rights.

Just because she tells you that you can't doesn't make it so. Know your rights and take them when you want

Thanks for you advise Kanga

Much appreciated.

All the best with your situation



Hi Borderline

Thank you for your advice.

I have tried to do this but unfortunately she now has the school on her side.

I attended their school yesterday to collect them and the principal straight away jumped down my throat telling me they were not there and then demanded that I leave the school grounds. I called the police and advised them that I was given no explanation nor any information as to where they were and they told me that they called the principal and he said the same to them that they were not there and he wanted me to leave.

I feel that I hit road blocks everytime I try and use my rights as a father.

It is painful

Unless there's an dvo or a court order that states you can't collect them it is illegal for a school to withhold them, regardless of what there mum has instructed them.

I would make a formal complaint to the department of education and if necessary notify the police that the school is withholding your children.

Hi Lachy

I am so sorry to hear about how your ex-wife is treating you. The situation is very unfair and hurtful, and your turmoil is completely understandable.

I am also concerned for your girls. Your dysfunctional relationship with their mother will no doubt be affecting them as well. It's really not a healthy situation for anyone, including your ex-wife. Although it seems she is very bitter and angry and determined to hurt you.

I'm wondering if you know what is driving her behavior? I'm not suggesting you've done anything wrong but if you can figure this out you may be able to better deal with her. What changed 12 months ago? I'm thinking that maybe she resents you having a new partner? You don't have to answer these questions if you don't want to but I encourage you to think about it.

I also want to encourage you to make an appointment with your GP to talk through the impact this is having on your mental health. The healthier you are the better it is for you, your current partner and your girls.

I also think it would be a good idea to speak with a psychologist to seek advice on how to talk to your ex-wife about improving your relationship and better sharing your parenting responsibilities. If your wife can be persuaded that improving your relationship is in the best intetests of her children she might come to the party.

Your girls need you and you need them. Hang in there.

Kind thoughts to you

Hi Summer Rose,

Thank you for your post.

What is her motive? I honestly think it is her way of trying to maintain control and power over myself. Throughout the entire relationship with her, she tried to constantly control myself, keep track of my every move, dictate to me what I would and would not do etc. During the relationship this caused many of arguments and to be brutally honest this is in my mind the main driving factor behind why she is still trying to manipulate me, so she can try and maintain control of me and the situation. This along with as you mentioned, resentment on the fact of me moving on with my life etc.

I agree with you that I need to do something and talking about it would be best. I really need to try whatever I can because I don't want to walk away on my girls as I need them and I do think they need me.

Again thank you for your words and I appreciate your advice