My boyfiend is snowing signs of depression and I’m struggling to support him

[Bluebel]

Hi there,

This is my first ever post. My partner of almost 4 years has recently been showing signs of depression.

He has withdrawn from social activities, not doing the things he usually enjoys (walking the dogs, playing guitar, playing board games, etc).

A few months ago I encouraged him to stop smoking marijuana which he has done both habitually and casually (on and off) for the last 15 years. I encouraged him to do it with support and seek medical assistance though he didn’t want to as he has “given up” heaps of times on his own without assistance.

I have encouraged him to seek counselling or talk to a doctor but he really doesn’t want to. He has opened up to me a little, though it was really difficult getting him to talk.

I want to support him however I can, though I’m not sure how helpful I am as I become really upset and I don’t think this would be helpful.

I have been feeling lonely as he is distant with me and sometimes I feel like it’s my fault. He has told me it’s got nothing to do with me and he doesn’t know why he’s feeling like this.

Im trying really hard to be there for him though sometimes I even feel cranky and annoyed with him (I know I shouldn’t ) and then I feel guilty for feeling like that.

I don’t know whether I should talk to him about my feelings also, which I would normally do- because I don’t want to make him feel worse.

Thanks in advance for reading this and for any advice or thoughts you might have.

[kanga_brumby]

Firstly Bluebel I would like to say welcome to Beyond Blue forums a safe nonjudgmental place to get advice. I would suggest with your boy friend being so long using marijuana. He has gotten accustomed to the stone he gets from it. His body is getting rid of the THC that has been left behind. After 24 hours if you have just used. unsafe to drive but the residue can hang about in the body for months.

With his depression, don't force the issue. But let him know your there for him, don't smother him. gently guid him into doing the other things he likes doing. As a bloke I know when I have been down and people have pushed me into doing stuff. Even if we all knew I really liked doing that activity. I would not appreciate it half as much if I felt it was my decision instead of someone else s. It's a pride thing ( You see that was my idea) even though you have gently nudged and pointed. Either way it will be a long road. I wish you both well.

Peter

[Ggrand]

Hello Bluebel,

can I also welcome you to the BB Forums, Wherevyou will meet some really amazing people who want to share There insight and try to help you..

Peter, has given you some excellent advise..

Bluebel, looking after someone, especially a loved one with depression is an extremely hard thing to do. I am a little afraid, that your health is already starting to suffer. You must look after yourself, you must be Well and healthy to look after your partner..

Maybe gently ask your partner again if he will go to your gp, with you, and speak to your gp about how he's feeling etc..it's worth another try, but just very gently.. Depression is so hard to fix without professional help..It's like a broken bone, it needs fixing by Drs, Mental Health, depression is the same..

If he doesn't want to go tho the Drs for help..Just be there for him, with a listening ear, a shoulder for him..Maybe try going out to different areas, or if he has a hobby encourage him to do it.

.With depression it makes us believe all sorts of bad things about ourselves, when this starts happening we need to distract our thoughts from these negative ones and try to bring our thoughts into positives, that's why Distraction and doing something he likes doing will give his mind a little break from negatives...

Please look after yourself and let us know how you get on..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy..

[Bluebel]

Hi Grandy

Thanks so much for your reply. I really appreciate your insight and will certainly give some of those strategies a try

bluebel

[Bluebel]

Hi

thanks for your advice Peter, I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my issue. Much appreciated

Bel

[Mrs_Sergeant]

I’m living a nightmare with my depressed husband so I would say leave while he is just a boyfriend & not yet a “husband” or father to any of your children.

Sorry but I have literally tried for over 10 years to support my husbands depressive personality & it’s gotten me nowhere.

People need to want to receive the support and explore unresolved feelings. Made especially difficult when there are addictions involved. My husband is addicted to gambling, alcohol & food.

Good luck.