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My anxiety is tearing apart my relationship with my partner.

Community Member


I'm 21 years old and my anxiety has been really flared up the last month or so. Its having a really negative impact on my relationship with my boyfriend (been together 1 year, known him for 6) because I have a tendency to take everything out on him. I'm completely in love with him but its becoming so easy to use him as a means of relieving my stress. Even tiny little things that he does that might be slightly inconsiderate sets off my anxiety and I become so angry and upset with him. I also feel I've become such high maintenance and so needy - because he cant even go to social events without me messaging him halfway through because I am having a panic attack and really don't want to be alone. Its getting to the point where his friends are accusing me of using it to emotionally manipulate him. I really don't mean to be, but its a very horrible thought for someone to say.
I think it would be better for him to not be with me when I'm so unstable but I'm so scared of losing him. He's starting to get impatient with my anxious episodes and I feel like he's slipping away.

Guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to maintain a healthy relationship when you're not in a healthy mental space.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

hi Lira

sorry to hear you are suffering anxiety...but I think your awareness of the situation puts in a a great place to change the situation for yourself and your partner.

you should make sure you tell him that he is important to you and that it is the anxiety that is causing you the problem and not him technically. tell him exactly what you are feeling and sit down and work out with him what would work and what wouldn't work. Like have a list...things that he can do to help you instead of being at the the firing line.

he is obviously choosing to stay by your side ...as he cares and loves him and you vice versa.

Its really a matter of incorporating coping mechanisms that works for you both.

I think it is essential that you tell him how you feel and that you see the problems and want to work on it . Im sure he would appreciate you saying so. He won't know unless you tell him exactly how you feel.

Maybe write it out whilst you are not having an episode and find a time to discuss it..tell him ...u wrote something and want to talk about it with him ...Im sure he be open to it. I would start off by saying how much you love him and treasure him and thats why u want to have this chat so you both can cope better . and be open to his suggestions and hear him out . I pray that you both work it out and can come out with a list of what might help you both. Its not easy for you ...and its not easy for him either...but it sounds like you both care a lot about each other and i am positive you guys will work out a plan.

Hope this helps you 😉