My 19 Year Old Son Blames Me For Everything

Loveanimals · ‎06-10-2023

I recently posted about my son's issues with drugs. Yesterday I took him to our Doctor. The Doctor was very kind and helpful. He told my son that every single person he has treated for Schizophrenia in his 50 year career, had been drugs users. He told my son to stay away from it and he prescribed a very low dose anti-anxiety medication to get him over the week (withdrawals).

Today I picked my son up from work and he immediately attacked me. He has googled and claims he has schizophrenia? He said it is my fault because I am an 'alcoholic c..t". I am so done with him. Yes I do have a love for alcohol but I am not an alcoholic and he knows that. Anyway....how dare he call me that word!!! Besides the fact that the Dr never once thought he was schizophrenic? He is a total drama queen and his actions are destroying me. He has also said he 'doesn't believe the Dr' about the drugs.....????

The night before his Dr appointment he drank a 2 litre cask of wine and half a bottle of Baileys. This was all whilst I was asleep. This alcohol was hidden and he knows he is not permitted to drink it. But he did anyway and needless to say the next morning he vomited all over the toilet floor... ? Of course I had to clean it up?

I do not know what to do with him anymore. I am starting to hate him. He is an emotional blackmailer and is never grateful for all of the money/sacrifices/things I do for him.

Please help.

Loveanimals · ‎11-10-2023

Dear Croix

Thankyou. My son is doing a lot better. He really has learnt his lesson. Now that he is sorted there is the issue of Dad.

Dad did ok apparently and is now in recovery. My lovely, caring (narcissistic) sister ( pardon the sarcasm) rang me at 1.30 pm to ask about him? I took him in at 8am? She then gave me a lot of unasked for 'assvice' as she does. Telling me to not ring the hospital as they are busy and 'people like me' annoy them?! WTF? I truly cannot stand her. I have been up since 4 am and worried sick. She is just a total arsehole. Sorry but I am totally wrecked and like my son...I have seen the light at long last.

snazzypretzel5 · ‎12-10-2023

Dear Loveanimals,

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Use the time with you Dad as a break. It may give your son the space he needs to see where he is at and how much you love and do him. I go through regular ups and downs with my 20 year old and sometimes I wonder why I had a child at all (hehehe) it can be so awful. We are currently not connected at all.

The most important thing to do is to look after yourself. Your son, I am guessing, is at the age where he wants to be an adult but has the experience of a child to drawer on. It can be incredibly painful for parents to witness. Like learning to walk we often have to let them fall over to understand how it is done. This does not mean you should abandon him, but just maybe leave him to his own devices for a bit. Leave phone numbers on the fridge for him to reach out if he needs support in your absence. You will have your hands full with your father no doubt.

Support yourself and do some good things for your care and well being. Sometimes distraction can be a blessing. And we are hear to listen anytime.

Croix · ‎12-10-2023

Dear Loveanimals~

It sounds as if things might go more smoothly for a while -I do hope so.

I had been wondering if your dad going into hospital might have made your son worry and put extra pressure on him affecting his behavior -what do you think?

As for phoning a hospital about a parent - I'm sure they are more than used to it. I've often had to do that and the worst that has happened is the ward clerk has been too busy to do other than give the very briefest of reports - no chance of a message.

Other times they have taken a message or even plugged a phone in.

How long do you expect him to stay in hospital and do you have any help when he returns home?

Croix

Loveanimals · ‎13-10-2023

Thankyou so much for your kind words I am very sorry you too are experiencing this! Our children are everything to us but can certainly make life extremely difficult. I really hope you too can get back on a good footing with your adult child.

Yes looking after Dad will be my focus over the next few weeks for sure. He is doing so well and is going home tomorrow. My son is fully aware that I will be looking after Dad and of course will be here too for him. Just not in such a huge capacity as usual! I think it will be a great growing and learning experience for all of us.

Take care.

Loveanimals · ‎13-10-2023

Thankyou. Yes I think my stress has possibly affected my son negatively. He has really been trying hard to do the right thing and I am feeling a lot less stressed.

Dad is doing amazingly well and is going home tomorrow. So I will be with him a lot of the time! My son is fully aware of this and he knows he will have to look after himself more. I think it will be the best thing.

Croix · ‎13-10-2023

Dear Loveanimals~

It's good to hear, and I hope all goes well. Please remember that you do need rest and time for yourself, easy to forget with a family you need to look after

If you would like to let us know how you get on that would be great

Croix

Loveanimals · ‎14-10-2023

Dear Croix

Yes I am totally exhausted truth be told. But...there is light at the end of the tunnel! Dad is doing so well, it is a great relief! My son will go back to work next week and he likes working so that too is a great thing. I can probably rest up a bit now the major dramas are over! Thanks so much for caring. I know I go on but I so appreciate your support. You are lovely. xxx

Croix · ‎15-10-2023

Dear Loveanimals

You are welcome. Thank you for the thanks, it helps:)

As for "I know I go on" I'd have to disagree. You have been in a very difficult situation and talking about it is natural and hopefully helps. Even just knowing you can talk about things if you want reduces the pressure

Croix