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Mum can't handle me getting irritated by things that are actually pretty irritating

Community Member
Hey guys. I just want to break this terrible pattern. Yesterday I worked from home at my parents house to avoid noise at my own place, and they had agreed it would be fun and great, and that my dad would not make any noise (he's a very loud musician). Around 1pm he started playing with a drum machine (tbf for him it was pretty quiet, but still very annoying), so I very carefully approached my mum and asked what was going on with that. Instead of "oh sorry, I'll tell him to stop" she just said she couldn't hear it and that I was being bothered by nothing. Nope, I told her it was making it hard to talk to clients on the phone. Dad heard our voices at this point and turned it off, and I went back to work, but it was very hostile. The next time I saw my mum it was like I'd slapped someone, and she seemed to want an apology. This made me angry. Unfortunately whenever I display any sort of anger it just turns into this pointless hostile thing where I have to just give up and get away from them. They seem to want me to manage my emotions to the point that I am a robot. Later I had a huge lecture on how I'd hurt my dad's feelings, but there was no remorse from either of them for the interruption, and when I asked about that and got no response I was so upset about them not caring I was shaking in anger and starting to cry, but didn't dare raise my voice or actually DO anything. They would never treat a house guest like that. How do I express a negative emotion without my mum thinking I've gone insane and need locking up. It's really upsetting feeling dismissed, invalidated, devalued. Help.
5 Replies 5

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi libelle

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry this has caused you some distress.

Maybe you could give your parents the benefit of the doubt maybe your Dad didn’t think it was that loud or simply forgot you were working.

I understand that what happened has upset you and your parents, can you all calmly discuss each other’s point of view?

I understand that when your Dad was making a noise you went and spoke to your mum instead of your Dad.

I believe if you had of approached your Dad first he would have maybe realised his error and apologised on the spot.

I hope you all work everything out together.

Community Member

Thanks for the reply. The noise itself didn't upset me that much - it was just the lack of recognition that it does bother people, it would have bothered anyone in that situation.

Why didn't they apologise?

Yes, I would have liked to go and discuss it with him. My mum headed me off when I was on my way downstairs to do this. I think she is very protective of him and sees any complaint from me as aggression against him .

I ended up sorting it out with him with mum out of the room, and that went really well. He was fine. She treated me like I'd gone insane - and I'm still really upset about that.

I’m sorry they didn’t apologise……

Can you have a calm conversation with them about it?

I understand that it doesn’t feel very nice to feel the way you feel…….. do you think you could express to your parents about the way they made you feel?

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey libelle,

I'm sorry to hear your mum made you feel so dismissed and invalidated. It sounds like this is something that has happened in the past as well?

It's good that you were able to sort things out with dad. I hope having even just one person believe you can make a difference.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Libelle, even though the initial intention was a good idea for you to work at home, is there somewhere else you can go because this may continue against your wishes because your dad is a musician and wants to practice.

Your num can't hear anything because she is used to the noise, but it's going to unsettle you.