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moving on moving forward but I don't know what I'm doing!

Mr K
Community Member

Hi BB,

I've been on a long painful and upsetting journey initiated by my wife (Ex wife) who has decided that she wants to be single again after 11 years marriage. We have two beautiful little daughters whom I will only get to see half as much as I used too. I know compared to other poor fathers on here that is as much as I could hope for and I am grateful for this small mercy. I also have the ongoing emotional support of my extended family who know I tried hard to be a good husband and remain a loving and nurturing father, this is also a mercy as without them I would be utterly bereft of family in Australia.

Part of me will always love my ex and remember the good times shared over the years, part of me now also hates her for splitting me up with my children. Life has never been more intimidating for me as I have to learn all about child support, tax, medicare etc. etc. my wife did all our financial stuff I just earned my wage and paid it into a joint account.

I don't want to argue with my ex and hope we can co-parent successfully for the sake of our girls but I struggle with the resentment too. We have drawn up a parenting plan which does seem reasonable. I know my wife is still trying to get more money out of me than seems fair but I need to consult a solicitor about that. I'm wary of the solicitors as I know they make more money from a fighting couple though.

Anyway, what advice can you give me to be a successful single dad?

I work full time in a good job, I've moved into a small unit close to our old home to be close to the kids, schools, daycare etc. The small unit is easy to keep clean and tidy so I wont spend all day doing housework with the girls. What are the tips and tricks that you have all learned and what do you wish someone had told you?

Thanks in advance,

K.

1 Reply 1

Soberlicious96
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear K,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

I feel must be honest from the start and let you know that I am not a parent, nor am I male. Which means, (obviously) that I am a childless - by choice - female.

You sound like a very doting, attentive father, and I am sorry to hear of your separation. It's a tough situation for all involved.

I do also want to say though, that by simply reaching out and asking for advice and experience is a great start. Your split, although heartbreaking, sounds as though it could be quite 'amicable' .... if there is such a thing! And that is one thing I can identify with, is the splitting up of a marriage. The only thing that my now ex husband and I had 'custody' discussions about was the cat! The cat was my cat, as I had got him as kitten, just before we met, and then when we split up some 14 years later (12 years of marriage), I had left the cat with him while I was getting some more permanent accomodation for myself. He did not want to look after the cat in that time, and kept threatening to give him away. I had stayed with a girlfriend for 5 months, before our settlement went through and before I could then bring the cat to live with me. I had missed my fur baby dreadfully is that time, as I only got to see him on probably 4 or five occasions in that whole 5 months. And then, only two or three weeks after I had finally got him back into my care, he passed away from heart failure. I think in the end, the move was too much for him. He was an old boy by then, in cat years, and he'd already survived getting hit by a car about 5 years prior, but he had never been the same. It was a bittersweet reunion and one I will never forget. I loved that fur baby so much.

I now have a new fur baby though, and she is gorgeous and so cuddly! Pets can be the best therapists!

Anyway, perhaps you could also consider calling Mensline for some advice and support. yeah? The number for Mensline is 1300 78 99 78.

In the meantime, you can also keep coming back here for as much support and advice as you like, and as what we can offer.

Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo