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monster in law

Posy
Community Member

My partner and I aren't married, but have been together a number of years.

Since having our first child mid-last year, there have been huge problems caused in our relationship by his mother. He doesn't always see the extent of how unacceptable her behaviour is and always defends her.

This really upsets me and I would like us to be a team, for him to address our concerns with his mother, rather than choosing her and allowing her to play the victim rather than accountable.

To give some context, it isn't that's she's a bad person, she's not, and she genuinely loves her grandchild; but she repeatedly shows a disregard for my wishes as his mother and has been abbusive towards me.

The latest incident involved a cute picture of my son in the bath that I'd sent to my partner. I then saw this naked photo of my young son on my mother in laws public social media. Granted you couldn't see everything in the photo but I am not comfortable with naked pictures of children being put online, let alone mine.

I asked my partner to speak with his mom, after 3 days the photo was still up, so I messaged her directly. I was polite and respectful and explained why I wanted it taken down.

She quickly accused me of being sick in the head, a crazy b*#t*  E.t.c I don't mind her using photos, I often send her pictures, but strongly object to any identify able information ir nudity.

I stayed calm and asked her directly ,as his mother asking, that she take it down and she said no. She later sent a half hearted apology, after partner asked her to, but left the picture in place for a further 2 days. 

We are on the verge of seperating, and I do not want my MIL to have unsupervised visits with my child, as she often wants to, as I do not trust her given her quickness to react and continual disrespect for my wishes as his mother.

My partner just defends her when I try to discuss the issue or insist on ground rules. 

Am I being unreasonable? How can I manage this moving forward? I am feeling so angry at both of them. I wish he would deal with her and be a united front rather than stick his head in the sand...

thanks in advance for your advice and letting me vent.

2 Replies 2

pipsy
Community Member

Hi Posy.  Welcome to BB forum.  What your MIL did putting pictures of nude child on social media (I presume you're talking fb) was totally unacceptable.  Everything on fb is seen by everyone who is registered on fb.  Your partner's defence of her is also unacceptable.  I would say to him rather forcibly, no more interference by your mum.  She is totally undermining your position as the mother.  Did your partner speak to his mother about the photo, it sounds as though he didn't.  Or if he did it was in such a gently way, she completely ignored him.  I'm sorry you're separating, may I ask if it's because of MIL problems, or is it other issues.  Your partner is similar to my ex, he defends his parents to the hilt too.  We separated late last year because I got sick of being in the wrong too.  I definitely agree to not allowing MIL to have unsupervised visits.  Perhaps you should get some legal advise about that.  Maybe to get around the 'no contact' with MIL you could suggest your partner see your son for a couple of hours each weekend.  Just a thought.  Once your son is older, you could relax a bit more, but while he is so young, you his mother, have every right to be concerned for his safety.  Doesn't your partner understand the dangers associated with the media.  I don't think you're over-reacting, you're being a concerned mother, worried about your son being exposed to danger.  That's being responsible.  That's good. 

Take care.  Let us know how you go.  

BeFree08
Community Member
You stay firm on this one - those MIL can be interfering, opined, with an undeserving sense of entitlement, especially with their sons.  I really do hope that you can work through this and not separate, but without the knowing the story - who I am I to comment.  Stand your ground.  SOME men are stupid and still have their umbilical cord attached.  It is unfair you are exposed to this gang mentality, and I mean unfair, just isn't on.  Is it possible that you can stand back and observe and not get sucked into her vortex of bitch?   I do not feel like being as diplomatic as lovely Pipsy but I do understand enough is enough.  Try not to let her 'win' this by moving on - the court system is brutal and very very taxing.   Try to rise above as the other option is a very difficult road to take. x