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Mixed signals & confusion

Community Member

Hey there,

Recently I have been starting to get closer to someone at university.

However, I am receiving some mixed signals.

Sometimes this person seems genuinely interested in me. And then there are other times where they are quite awkward around me when their group of friends are with us. Why could this be? Sometimes they even seem disinterested when they are with their friends.

Perhaps, I am overanalysing and thinking a little too much about it all though. See here is the other thing, they even drop subtle hints sometimes. For instance - they raise their eyebrows at me, they also smile frequently at me and we even cuddle. However, I’m still quite confused and I am receiving so many mixed messages.

Then I receive even more mixed messages though - they don’t seem to message me first. Yet they always view each and every single one of my social media stories. I’m so very confused.

Needed to vent,

20 Replies 20

well done for reaching out, that's awesome! sounds like it paid off. How are you feeling now? Glad you did it?

Again, there is no way of knowing what he is thinking about the situation without asking but it sounds like some good signs. I would take it one step at a time and enjoy the catch up one on one. That's a great start. You could talk about things there if you feel like it or wait and see how it goes, and maybe talk with them about it later.

Congrats again, happy for you!

I’m feeling glad, to a degree. Although I am scared that I will do all of the work and make all of the effort when it comes to initiating the conversation and times we can spend together.

I had a partner, who I left earlier this year, who was extremely psychologically abusive towards me.. It is very hard for me to reach out sometimes. Being vulnerable with someone can be so awfully difficult sometimes. At least he agreed though! So there must be some interest there. Even if it is just friendship!


I'm very happy for you - it must be some weight off the shoulders to have had the positive reaction to putting yourself out there.

If you do continue to make the effort and not them, that's another conversation you can have (about equal input) when the time is right. For now hopefully you can look forward to and enjoy the catch up, to see if there is chemistry and a connection.

Sorry to hear your partner was psychologically abusive. That must make it very hard to take the first step, and all the more reason to be proud of yourself for having done so. Hopefully the nerves/anxiety associated with doing so lessens a little each time you do it. I agree, it can be so hard to be vulnerable.

'Even if it is just a friendship' is a great way to look at it. That way if you strengthen the friendship that's a win, and anything more you can work out when you get to that point


Community Member

I’m going to back off just slightly. It’s always me initiating conversation and most of the time.
I think perhaps I may have been coming across as ‘desperate’ or ‘needy’

I wasn’t texting them every five seconds but I would ask them how their day was going. And I would try and send some goofy GIFS occasionally just to make them smile.

I need to rationalise and remember that my psychological health comes first. It’s absolutely paramount to look after my own emotional struggles. I don’t think they liked me as much as I thought..

Oh well. That’s ok. At least I still have my studies. 🙂


Because when I asked them if they would like to go out they said ‘sure’. I then asked what type of activities or things were they into and they answered quite vaguely.
So I felt like I would have to organise everything. And when I said what day would suit them they just said they are really busy. 😕

I’m just going to leave the ball in their court. If they are interested they will definitely pursue and initiate. 😞

Oh well. It’s a little disheartening. That’s ok though. We can still be friends though! 🙂

That's frustrating putting in the effort and not getting much back.

I really like your outlook on it though, it seems like you can see both the positives and the negatives and have come to a good choice for your health as you were saying.

Who knows what may happen in the future but as you said, you have a friend which is great 🙂

Community Member

I’m going to give up on trying to get his attention now. He seems really distant and disinterested now in me. At least I tried though. That’s all you can do!! 🙂

Community Member
It just really baffles me.. one minute he was all over me like a mad rash. Now the replies, that he sends me, are very brief and typically only one worded answers. I’m just a little bit upset to be completely honest with you. 😞

Community Member
I’ll just let things play out 🙂

Community Member

I have stopped my contact with me. As he never initiates any conversation with me. When we hung out the other day... we sat in silence for twenty five minutes and he did not say a word. He just plays on his phone and it makes me feel extremely unwanted. I tried to strike up conversations with him hoping that would help break the ice.. it didn’t though. And soon after he answered my questions we went back to sitting in silence. And whilst we were sitting in silence he was just scrolling on his phone. He now does not sit near me anymore in class. And he only hugs me and then goes back on his phone, when we hang out together.

These signals are very mixed. And I want someone in my life who will take initiative and who will be curious about asking me questions. As there really needs to be a healthy balance between two people in order to make the friendship or relationship work.
I did ask him out for lunch or a movie and I asked him what day or time would suit. He just said “I’m really busy.”
Prior to asking that I also asked him “what type of activities are you interested in?”
He puts in zero effort. And the responses are short one worded answers. It’s really disheartening but it really is what it is.. I’m afraid.

I’m no longer interested. 🙂

I did really like him at the beginning because he seriously was putting in a lot of effort during the first few days of us getting to know each other. Now he is just super distant and cold with me. I’m no longer going to try win his heart over. Nor am I going to attempt gain his attention now. As I truly believe that ; people who are meant to be in your life will naturally gravitate towards you. And whatever is meant to be in your life - will eventually find you.

I am not super depressed because I have my studies and work to help me get through it all. I just think that initiation of conversation is meant to be a mutual and equal thing. It really does work both ways.