Mid life crisis and left home
Hello The Hulk,
You're not alone anymore.
It's ok to feel frightened. It does not sound odd at all.
We will be here to support you on your journey to feeling better.
You said you're frightened to start in a new job. Are you excited as well?
Feel free to talk here as much as you like.
Thank you. Im quite nervous to start the new job as I have been out of the work look for 4 years, but im not frigthened of the work. I guess I feel frightened for where I am right now, having to adjust to being back in Australia and reconnecting with friends and family. I just feel like I went about everything wrong with my ex wife and just refused to talk.
Regret can be a heavy burden to carry, I understand. It sounds like you've done a bit of soul searching since leaving your marriage ... are there things that you want to tell her, as you didn't talk to her before? I don't know if writing her a letter would help you at all, even just to get the thoughts down on paper, even if it was unsent? ...
It would be nice if we could go back and fix our mistakes. I wish I could go back and fix some things as well. But it can only be understood backwards and lived forwards. So even though you've made mistakes in the past (as have we all), what can be done is focus on right now, this moment, and moving forward.
It sounds good that you have been able to find work again, I am sure that will help you to start feeling more connected and settled again, and give you a productive point of focus, and help you to move forward again.
It's good that you have family and friends here that you can reconnect with, and not be isolated, ate they people you can really talk to, about the nitty gritty?
Come and talk whenever you like.
It was my first day in my new job today and it was quite overwhelming as it is all new. But when I walked out the door, I felt lost and alone. I thought I can just jump in my car and drive to my own home in Queensland. I have this feeling that I miss my ex wife and her steadying influence. No one to go home to, no one to talk to about everthing. I wonder if I can make it by myself.
I think it's perfectly natural to feel overwhelmed, today is day 3 of your new job, and how strange it must feel at the end if the working day, not coming home to anybody ... a lot to get used to, I can imagine I would feel the same way.
So, I'm trying to put myself in your shoes, and what I'm coming up with is, change my routine. So, when work is over for the day, do something different, e.g. if you normally would go home and have a drink and watch tv and have dinner, maybe change it up and vome home, put your runners on and go for a walk, then cook dinner and watch a movie. Or go straight from work to the gym, come home, dinner and read in bed. Or join a group that meets after you finish work (eg hobby), some groups meet up for dinner too.
I'm just trying to think of things to break up that routine where you start to feel empty and lonely and long for your old life with your wife.
Sorry if this isn't helpful.
What kinds of things do you enjoy doing Paul?
Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. It's really good you've found your way here. Life sounds all a little overwhelming for you at the moment.
You've been receiving some excellent support from Birdie. Doesn't she rock!
Hulk, your life has turned a little upside down for you I think. From having a wife, travelling, obviously being financially okay to a place where you don't want to be.
It is hard sometimes. Especially when you things aren't the way you had planned. Something in your posts that I don't see is if you are seeing a doctor or therapist about your mid life crisis. What happened when you had a mid life crisis?
You seem like you are carrying some guilt. Maybe that's why you haven't contacted family and friends when you returned??
What are some of the things you are doing now to help you through your life.
Getting a new job sounds great, even though it can be anxiety provoking in the first instance. It helps set up your life again.
If you feel you want to answer any the questions above, I'd really like to hear from you.
I hope you don't mind me joining Birdy and PamelaP and dropping in. You have both good and bad in your life at the moment. A job is a real plus, not only with the cash, but with the occupation, distraction and helpfully in time a sense of worth and achievement. Any new job is a worrying time for any sensible person, still you sound confident about the work itself, if overwhelmed by the newness of it all.
When I went though a great trial in life work made all the difference.
I suppose there is a big temptation to look back on the separation from you wife and think it was all down to you and if you had chosen to do things differently all might have been better. Actually that's what I wanted to pop in and mention. When I've had depression and it's really hit then my ability to communicate takes a nose-dive. I just want to be alone, quiet and not talk. In fact I find things very overwhelming and do not want to be bothered.
Your silence may have contributed, a different reaction from your ex might have too. Then again your behavior might have not been as voluntary as you think, mine certainly has not been at times.
I think Birdy has given some excellent suggestions how to break up habits and stave of routine and loneliness. I've no idea of course but might there be possibilities of new friendships at work?
I too welcome you to the community here. Seems like a few of the members have been interacting with you which is so wonderful to see.
I find when my depression is not good, I do a lot of things I later regret. I also have discovered that regret, guilt and shame all just make me feel worse about myself and life in general, so I try self forgiveness.
You certainly don't have to answer any questions you don't want to here, I am just curious if you know where your wife is now and is it possible for you to contact her if you wanted to?
Maybe after all this time it might be best to keep moving forward and not look aback. Only you will know the answer to that.
Hopefully you will find ways to feel less lonely, that you will make connections with people with similar interest or with new people in general.
Cheers to you from Dools
I met with my ex wife last Sunday, It was very hard. But when we finishsed I immediately realisedI made a big mistake leaving her. All for the wrong reasons. I want her back. I feel terrible and guilty, and have wasted the last 2 years trying to live some ridiculous single life in Bangkok. I caused her immense pain as she too was living and working in Bangkok. So I cant understand why I didnt contact her. She tells me she has healed. Im so sad and lost and feel like my life is finished. She has agreed to see me again so maybe I can re build what we had. I hope so.