Hi BigWhiteRoom
I think an absolute desperate search for happiness can lead us to do things that can be so out of character for us at times. Can even be left with a feeling of deep regret, based on having chosen what we believed would make us happy. Some experiences can be packed with mixed emotions, such as a sense of regret, confusion, remorse, a continued sense of longing for happiness and so much more.
Being a 52yo gal and having been married for little over 21 years, there have been so many times where I've questioned what I'm actually feeling in my marriage ('What emotion is this one?"). While I've been able to come to identify some positively energising emotions, there have also been a number of depressing ones, such as the most outstanding one above all else being a sense of longing. Whether it's a longing for more joy, more adventure, more laughter, more of a sense of wonder and vision in regard to the future, more general excitement or something else, the longing can become such a soulful or soul destroying experience at times.
Do you feel if you were to address your longing for happiness with your husband, this would help you manage things better at work, with that co worker? If you and your husband were to work on developing a greater sense of joy thorough adventure, for example, would your focus then turn to looking forward to more joy and more adventures with your husband? In focusing on that, do you think the past relationship with your co worker would actually begin to feel more like a thing of the past, no longer worth focusing on while also holding less emotional charge? Or if intimacy may be an issue, bringing more excitement to intimacy may become the new focus with your husband and no one else.
While you've asked simply for a sense of the way forward, have faith that there is no judgement here, beyond this. I hope you and your husband find the best way forward.
