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Making the same mistakes. Rebounding

Community Member

Almost a year ago i left my husband of 10 years after a rollercoaster of a marriage. I never felt truly content or happy from the beginning. I feel like i just settled and stayed out of guilt and obligation.

The worst part and the part im struggling with most is guilt because i cheated. I lost interest in my husband and was lonely and needy so i reached out to others. I had 1 affair and several short term flings. I sent pics of myself to men and slept with several different men. I left my husband for another man and now a year later im unhappy again and now chatting to another guy. There is always a love triangle. What is wrong with me. Why cant i just be happy. And why am i so scared of being alone.

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Dragonfly

I think your question needs professional medical answers. A psycholgist might be a way forward.

I think its more than just not meeting your soul mate. Thete might be other inground issues.

Anyway google these.

Topuc: guilt the tormentor- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue


Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Dragonfly78~

Welcome here, I've read what you have said, both here and in your other brief thread (Carrying the Burden) and it seems obvious to an outsider that you are seeking something from other pople and are moving on when you do not get what you need.

As Tony WK says it does not look like it is as simple as finding the right soulmate. I'm not a doctor or psychologist but I would think that if you take this behavior and combine it with your being scared of being alone then it may well all be caused by the same thing in you, perhaps an anxiety condition.

May I ask if you have ever been treated for such a condition? At present you appear to be in a sort of repetitive cycle, exploring a relationship outside your regular one, then breaking off and feeling guilt, which in turn reduces your feeling of self esteem and worthiness to be loved, and so it goes on.

I would imagine that although it might be difficult to break longstanding habits you are motivated enough by unhappiness with your life to give it a real try though some sort of therapy or counseling. So if you are not under treatment I'd suggest seeing a GP and setting all this out, ask to be tested for anxiety or depression and see what happens. Hopefully you will be diagnosed and given treatment.

Apart from male partners do you have anyone else in your life to give you understanding and support? Perhaps a parent or other family member? Sharing difficulties can be a a source of real help and encouragement.

Please feel you are welcome here and can talk as often and as frankly as you would like


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Dragonfly, what you have said to us is that you are unable to feel any security with anyone, yes you will have a short period of time where you feel happy but you keep hoping that the next person will be your final soul-mate, however now you've developed an obsession, because after you have cheated, the first thing on your mind is to naturally believe that there is someone else who maybe better than the last person, and then better than the last 2 before this.
This is similar to having OCD and needs for you to talk with a professional.
It could be related to what happened in your childhood, maybe with what happened with your parents, however I think it needs to be sorted out so that you can have a happy life. Geoff.