Dear Dragonfly78~
Welcome here, I've read what you have said, both here and in your other brief thread (Carrying the Burden) and it seems obvious to an outsider that you are seeking something from other pople and are moving on when you do not get what you need.
As Tony WK says it does not look like it is as simple as finding the right soulmate. I'm not a doctor or psychologist but I would think that if you take this behavior and combine it with your being scared of being alone then it may well all be caused by the same thing in you, perhaps an anxiety condition.
May I ask if you have ever been treated for such a condition? At present you appear to be in a sort of repetitive cycle, exploring a relationship outside your regular one, then breaking off and feeling guilt, which in turn reduces your feeling of self esteem and worthiness to be loved, and so it goes on.
I would imagine that although it might be difficult to break longstanding habits you are motivated enough by unhappiness with your life to give it a real try though some sort of therapy or counseling. So if you are not under treatment I'd suggest seeing a GP and setting all this out, ask to be tested for anxiety or depression and see what happens. Hopefully you will be diagnosed and given treatment.
Apart from male partners do you have anyone else in your life to give you understanding and support? Perhaps a parent or other family member? Sharing difficulties can be a a source of real help and encouragement.
Please feel you are welcome here and can talk as often and as frankly as you would like
Croix
