Maintaining a relationship when I'm constantly anxious

[Sunbather]

Hey all, first post here and I already feel better just typing it out haha.

I'm 25 and I've suffered from anxiety and depression for the better part of 10 years. I've had quite a few relationships and dated a lot, sometimes successfully, sometimes not. But I'm currently seeing someone whom I care for and love deeply. The first 3 months of our relationship were full of happiness and were so easy. Recently though, I feel my anxiety re-emerging and it taking an effect on the relationship. She has troubles dealing with it and doesn't communicate much about these things where as I'm an open book.

The more anxious I get, the more anxious I get that it will affect the relationship. I really want it to work and I'm hoping to find some people who've dealt with similar situations who can maybe share some anecdotes or tips from their personal lives.

Thanks in advance for listening to me ramble on!

Jeremy

[Unbeliever]

Ramble away...

Damn, the amount of guys I know these days who are emotionally communicative and partnered with a female who isn't is like a new epidemic in this generation.

I remember when all I used to hear was that "guys never communicate" and "girls are much more in touch with their feelings" and then suddenly instead of meeting somewhere in the middle it's like there has been some weird unspoken complete role reversal.

Anyway, if your anxiety is the only thing that has changed since the "1st 3 months of happiness"... then yes. Quite possibly it is effecting your relationship.

This doesn't have to be something to freak out about though, but it can't hurt to be aware of it.

Has anything else changed at all since those early days? Is it possible to replicate any of those moments when everything was easy? And make plans for you both to do similar things?

Good memories are cool like that. Reinacting events can tap you both straight back into good times you have shared and allow you to enjoy them just like the first time. I've seen this work for couples before, in some cases even many years later.

You didn't say what you were actually anxious about. So it is a little hard to respond, but chances are that she is with you for a good reason... most likely because she really likes you and enjoys spending time with you. Afterall, that is the reason most couples are together.

She is quite possibly not sure how to deal with it because she has had bo experience dealing with it before.

Perhaps she blames herself for it and thinks it is her fault you feel anxious about these things, but has no idea what she did so therefore unsure how to help you.

The variables are endless.

I would guess that she cares deeply about you, but doesn't know what she can do to help because she has had little exposure to a partner with anxiety before.

If this is the case, it will take her time to adjust and it will require you to be a little patient with her. We can't expect people to become instant experts overnight, it is a sharp learning curve when we start dealing with new things for the first time, especially when they have limited experience communicating feelings.

Try talking to her simply about things, give her a chance to learn about this part of you gradually.

Chances are as hard as this is for you, it is a probably difficult adjustment period for her too.

You likely both need to show each other a little patience and understanding and then everything can work out fine.

Good luck

[geoff]

hello Jeremy, the first few months/weeks of any r/ship are always so happy, it's exciting going out with someone you adore, so most problems won't arise until later on when it settles down.
It's not that easy to put yourself back into situations that once made you laugh and be happy, it doesn't work, plus you don't have any desire to do so.
When your g/friend hasn't been through depression/anxiety then it's difficult for her to know what to do, so she may tend to close up, worried about what she does say and whether it's going to help you but too afraid to say anything.
Can I suggest you click onto 'Get Support' and scroll down until 'Publications to download or order' which can be done by ringing them, it's an information booklet on depression and explains a great deal, she may benefit by reading this, but I'd like to know whether or not you are taking any medication and seeing someone, because this is what you need to do by seeing your doctor, but you can let us know. Geoff.