Low self esteem collision (Vent)

[NerNerNer]

Hi all, long time no post. I'm just venting about this, not looking for advice or a solution because I've got to figure it out/work directly with my counselor. However that appointment is over a week away, so venting is required.

Last night I lost my temper with my low self esteem housemate over something arbitrary. A back and forth 'I'm right, you're wrong' over ham packaging. It wasn't even MY back and forth, I was doing a job application and listening to it carry on.

It was because the low self esteem housemate was, understandably, annoyed that our housemate had mistakenly eaten said ham. Other housemate had bought more, but low self esteem housemate decided that the packaging couldn't possibly be the same format she preferred and, without looking at it, got very snippy and resentful and rejected the offer. After a few minutes of listening to my low self esteem housemate trying to prove herself right when the other housemate was, indeed, factually correct I intervened. I have low self esteem myself and the low self esteem housemate has argued with me like this on several occasions on several topics and I can't stand it when she does it to me. The freaking lengths she goes to try to prove me wrong are just incredible, and when she ends up being proven wrong (often indirectly) more often than not, she sulks and won't look me in the face for days. Listening to her do it to someone else was infuriating. I don't need to be right, but listening to someone who was correct being told they were wrong just cooked my bacon.

So, I raised a 'joke' about a manufacturing error with the ham packaging in question so the correct housemate had an excuse to show off the packing and, in sharing the funny error, got to prove who was right and who was wrong. It was one of those packs that have the ham split up into two servings and the manufacturing machine had packed the entire lot into one compartment. The other compartment was sealed but only had a couple of tiny scraps in it. It was seriously 'tee hee lol' when we noticed it, but it certainly wasn't appreciated by the low self esteem housemate.

Gawd, what is wrong with me... I didn't need to intervene. Who cares who was right and who was wrong. Now I'm worried that there is going to be more awkwardness and competition. Gaaah.

[NerNerNer]

Last night I basically had to chase housemate A around the house to get her to communicate with me about keeping my door closed all the time. It's not working for me, I need a time limit and am not going to take responsibility for how insecure she's feeling. I still want to be kind, flexible and accommodating, but I gotta have my limits.

It took two tries, we finally got there and I'm still not very happy. I'm not happy that it took two tries to get some solid boundaries and limits and I'm not happy that there was a lot of (what felt like) emotional game play and guilt tripping. I stated was that I was happy to keep my door constantly closed for a total of two weeks, but after that I need to be able to have my door open when I want to have it open. She said she understood and that she doesn't want to stop me from doing what I need in the house, but then she started trying to wriggle around what she'd said and brought up her heart breaking if the cat doesn't bond with her. So I left the conversation for a bit, had a think and came back to her again, saying that I just need some rules with the cat.

She opened up a bit more, I told her that the cat won't:

-Sit on my lap.

-Sit on my desk

- Will not be allowed on my bed

- Will not be fed by me in any way, shape or form

-I will not play with the cat. Period.

So then she complained that she felt like she was depriving the cat of attention and I kind of just said to her that if she wants to be a special person to the cat, she's got to make a harsh decision. She's just so convinced the cat will bond with me and not her. I can tell that nothing I said really reached her and this isn't just going away. It's just awful to be so aloof to such a beautiful, friendly cat but I don't know what's worse, getting guilt trips over bonding with the cat or seeing the cat really confused about why I don't pat it and ignoring it when it rubs itself around my legs. It really hurts, actually, because I love animals and making myself NOT be affectionate towards a affectionate animal is against my nature. 😧 And it's isolating too, I don't know if any of the other housemates are getting this pressure as well.

I can't wait until I get a job and this lease is finished. I am so, so gone from this drama fest. Just 100% done.