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I'm ruining my marriage

Community Member

Despite how hard I try, my efforts to remedy my depression are tearing my family apart. I just spent 15 minutes with my wife crying on the laundry floor about how hard I have been to deal with over the past few years.

I can't deny this. And that's the kicker. Even though I know I am the problem I still haven't the foggiest how to fix it. I'm seeing a professional but I feel as though I am getting nowhere with it.

I'm a disengaged husband and father to a beautiful 18 month old and as I type this I have traps rolling down my face and no idea why his is the case because I would move heaven and earth for them but the one thing I haven't been able to do is make or keep them happy. I honestly feel like a failure and hate that father's day is soon because I believe I don't deserve any praise or affirmation about being a father. It kills me when.

I'm crabby, irretable and can't take feed back from my wife. I wear a mask in front of others to keep up appearances which I feel makes things worse when I find anany opportunity to skulk away from the crowd and be away from "it" all.

I'm not on here for a poor me response. I'm here to see if this avenue can provide me with that something I'm missing to be the father and husband I want to be.

4 Replies 4

Community Member

Hey Matt

I have loads of questions for you. How long have you felt depressed? Have you felt like this since your child was born or before? What makes you think you're not a worthy husband or father? And why is it up to you to make or keep your family happy? What's your wife's take on this?

This avenue is good for support and a great place to get it all out there, but you're the key be who you want to be. What do you want? Is your wife not happy and are you trying to make her happy? You're beating yourself up a hell of a lot but is this really justified. I doubt it.

Being a new parent is extremely challenging. It throws doubts all over the place. I know I have asked you a bunch of questions but I really want you to take the time to answer them. How is your wife coping with being a mother? Are you working? Are you able to spend some time with your friends when you need to? Hey, do you have a boy or a girl?

Gif you can provide some more story and if anything it might help out some things in perspective. But first and foremost, stop beating yourself up. Secondly, if you take the time to respond and answer my questions I'll go out of my way to invest time in responding to you. Perhaps we can explore why you're irratable and cranky and what can be done about it


I too would like to read your answers to Apollo.

In the meantime you can read a few articles I've written. They might help. Use Google

Topic: depression, a ship on the high seas- beyondblue

Topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue

Topic: depression and sensitivity a connection?- beyondblue

Tony WK

Hi Apollo and White Knight, it's taken me some time to gather my thoughts and respond to your questions given I wanted to be in a better head space. So here it goes...

1. I have been suffering from and through depression for about 4 years now.

2. I feel like I'm unworthy because I have experienced rejection, like most people do, and see others in the same circles get praised for the same ideas I was floating. I feel like what comes out of my head is not good enough and so much of what I feel is basic insecurity... I never use to be like this.

3. I'm the type of person, or at least I was, who could make anyone smile at any given moment. I've lost that ability now and it frustrates me that I can't make wife smile like she use to and that I have developed a short fuse that doesn't allow me to see the innocence of my son being a toddler growing up and throwing tantrums.

4. I want to be happy again and I want to feel appreciated by those around me even though I may already be. I want to hold my wife's hand and have her hold mine back. I want to stop caring about what others think about me... I want to be me again.

5. My wife is killing it as a mother and that's where I feel worst because I feel that I'm not in the same league. I'm working full time and honestly have no idea what it is I want to do see the answer to question 1 to reiterate).

6. I don't get to see my friends much. I make time at 4:30am each weekday to head to the gym and even the n I feel guilty about that. I use to online game, my main source of catching up with friends, but not many people who don't play understand the social aspect surrounding it. I really miss it.

I think , my ultimate issue lies with insecurities, but I have no idea how to over come them. I hope this makes sense and thank you both for taking the time to respond.

hello and welcome I'm Venessa. I would like to know r u linked in with a therapist or medication to help with your depression and anxiety, left untreated can be chaos to ur mind you will feel like your losing ur mind where in fact ur not that is the illness distorting these perceptions. I want you to stop thinking about how others see you , you know you your wife knows you and ur baby boy will want to know know and spend beautiful memories with you. In order for you to get thru this ur going to need face these insecurities head on and fight like you have never fought before, If you don't they will continue to eat away at ur mind. What helped me at one point was that i wrote all of my insecurities on small pieces of paper then i would burn them one by one watching them disappear i know i'm speaking metaphorically but it will help believe me. I am happy that ur wife is supportive of you, don't ever knock yourself about being a bad parent bad father bc ur def none of those things. Once you stop worrying about how others perceive you you will be free in ur soul and in ur mind you need to do this for yourself first and then for your family so they can enjoy quality time with the one they love. I'm not saying this is going to be easy but you are going to surpass this crappy point in ur life just don't give on yourself and tell yourself everyday that ur going to get thru this time of your life. Begin to do the things you enjoy in life again like ur online game catching up with friends when time allows, I know this is hard with young one's xx don't feel guilty for having me time, everybody needs time to themselves just to recharge the batteries it's so important to keep you sane and healthy. I hope this has helped you in a way and don't give too hoots what people think bc they r not the one's who are important here, it's u ur wife and ur son xx much love to you guys Venessa and please keep posting we are all here for you.