Hi TuffCookie
Smallwolf has offered such deeply thoughtful and caring acknowledgement and advice. I wholeheartedly agree with not feeling bad about how you feel. Personally, I find my feelings to be so telling, therefor I like to question them when the really questionable ones come up from time to time.
Having been married for just over 21 years, I've often questioned my relationship with my husband, especially in the latter years. Took a long time to realise...while it was easy to see what brought us together or attracted us to each other, not at all easy to see a lot of thing things that gradually come to separate us in a lot of ways. The little things aren't always obvious.
When my husband and I met, we were great drinking buddies. We'd go to work then reconnect, drink, sit and watch tv or visit friends who also drank a bit. When I came out of long term depression at 35, I suddenly stopped drinking (as it got in the way of me being able to feel life in a lot of natural ways). In hindsight, I think this is when we began to separate. While he remained a creature of habit, I began longing for a greater sense of adventure, future goal setting/vision etc. While I began to wonder about all the things that could lead us to evolve beyond what was comfortable, he remained someone who loved his comfort zone. When I came across my ex fiance from years back (through social media), I felt what I hadn't felt in years. I felt excitement, joy, a longing to come to life in greater ways, largely because he was always someone who loved evolving through difference and challenges. He was always someone who loved to feel excitement and adding ventures to life (adventuring). He triggered me to remember my natural self and that was an attractive thing. Nothing happened between us. I thought it best to break contact but it really woke me up to what was missing in my life and who I wanted to be. It was my wake up call.
Another factor that came into question involved why I don't love my husband the way he loves me. My daughter helped wake me up to this one. In mentioning 'Love languages', she said 2 people can have completely different love languages. While my husband's is physical touch (he's a real hugger, borderline smotherer), mine is acts of service. For example, if someone I know is deeply depressed, I will work full time to raise them in every possible way yet only hug them if that is exactly what they need more than anything else. Then I will fully embrace them with every ounce of my being. My husband's almost the opposite. Sometimes he thinks hugging is enough.
Different love languages, the need for more excitement, a sense of gradual separation, the need to question...whatever it is we'll feel it. When the feelings become so strong to the point we're we can no longer ignore them, we'll feel that. I figure, when the serious questioning begins, so does the quest for greater understanding. It's often our feelings that wake us up to the quest.
