I read your post yesterday, didn't know if what I had to say would help, but, I was drawn to your title ' Lost families'. I come from a broken home, domestic violence etc. My mum had depression, always spoke of suicide, was killed when I was 21 ; my brother had emotional issues, was violent, drug abuser and in and out of jail growing up ; my older sister physically and emotionally abused myself ( I'm youngest) and our middle sister; middle sister is broken mentally. I have no contact with my siblings, too abusive and toxic. Hence why I was drawn to your title, I've lost the people I once cherished and loved, but now have to keep distance for my own healing.
First, can I say, my whole life I wished my father would care the way you clearly do for your kids. I would reach out to him, but was rejected each time. It broke my young spirit as a child. I wondered, why does my father hate me? I still held onto the fantasy that, one day, I would go to his house and he would finally be open to receive my love, like a lifetime movie, he would hug me and tell me he loved me.
At about 34, I heard he had died, and I spiralled into a deeper depression than ever. My dream/ fantasy lost for good. I still struggle with accepting that, for whatever the reason, my father could not show me love, I took it to mean I was bad and unloveable. I will never know why he turned his back on me, but I can't keep blaming myself. I send him love in prayers and maybe I might meet him again on the other side. I really feel your pain, so I just want you to know, you are not alone in your grief and sadness regarding our lost families.