Lost and alone

[Freddo45]

I don't want to go into too much detail but basically my marriage has hit a very rocky patch, I've done some things I'm not proud of and my wife says she wants a divorce. I'm from overseas so don't have family here. Plus my social life has pretty much revolved around my wife and her family so I don't really have friends here to turn to.

It's Friday evening and I feel I'm gazing at a blank weekend which will be filled with either sitting on the bed in our spare room or going for walks with only self recrimination and misery for company.

Does anyone have any suggestions for ways to get through this?

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Hi. Welcome to beyond blue.

I cannot guess what you might have done, but it appears that whatever it was felt like an act of betrayal by your wife. And if your marriage can or does heal will take time. Going for a walk might help? Give you time to reflect on things? I have not been in your position myself so cannot really offer any good advice that will help you, but I am listening. I can tell that you are hurt, and realised the pain your actions have caused.

I could tell you to a google search on "how to fix a rocky marriage", or suggest marriage counseling, or similar.

Any suggestions however require both parties wanting to participate. And whether your wife's decision about divorce an impulsive statement or not. I cannot say whether the problems are "fixable" or not. Sorry. Again, that would also depend on your wife. I would assume that you did apologize and seek forgiveness. That does not necessarily mean everything will be fine.

Others here might be able to give you some suggestions.

Some way you might have to regain her trust?

I hope you are OK otherwise?

Tim

[Freddo45]

Thanks for your response.

I didn't cheat on her have an affair but, she sees what I did in those terms and, as you say, betrayal. I was just stupid and selfish, and she feels very hurt. It's been plaguing us for a few months, but now she seems to have made up her mind, and even though we did actually just start counselling, she says she doesn't want to go again as there's no point. I've said I'm planning to go to our next session and have urged her to come but don't know if she will.

What I'm trying to deal with now is just the emptiness and loneliness, compounded by the guilt. I just feel I've got no one to talk to, nothing to do, nowhere to go … and no purpose in my life without her. I've been for a few walks today just for a change of scenery, but it doesn't get rid of the feelings of isolation and lack of direction and purpose.

What am I going to do this evening, what am I going to do tomorrow, how do I fill the empty minutes and hours without her? It just makes me cry thinking about it.

[Freddo45]

I’ve hurt my wife so badly and caused her so much pain. It was so unintentional but it’s so heartbreaking to have been so thoughtless and selfish and to have done this to someone who’s the centre of my life and who I care so much about.