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Lost and alone

Lost_in_a_good_book
Community Member

I feel so alone, I moved to australia over three years ago with my husband and i haven't made a single friend, I've never been good with people i'm always the last resort and always have been, i feel like no one ever actually wants to spend time with me they only do if they have to, so i've been coming more and more withdrawn now i only really see my husband but he's a baker so most days i only only see him for 2 hours.  I'm starting to feel nauseous when i have to be social with my husbands family, they're all so pally with my brother in laws other halves and even though i've known them all the longest i'm the one thats out place. I don't know what i do wrong with people, i guess they just find me weird.

 I'm a florist and not a very good one at that, with my lack of social skills i feel like i'm just driving people away. I don't fit in with anyone at work, being at least 15 years younger than everyone. I don't really want to to be a florist anymore but i'm lost and don't know what else to do, i don't want to be around people. But i don't want to be alone.

 

7 Replies 7

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi there,

It sounds like you are in a bit of a confusing place. You want to be with people so you are not alone, but find it difficult communicating with people at the same time.

I know a little how that feels. I grew up in a small town where our family was not all that popular. I had one friend growing up and that was only on the days she felt like being my friend.

I find it hard to make friends and keep them. People seem to come into my life and drift away again. Over the years I have told myself that is okay. If I can enjoy someone's company for just one day, then that one day is better than no days at all.

When you are with your husband's family try asking them questions about themselves. Some people just love to talk about themselves! That takes the awkwardness away from yourself. I had a girlfriend who talked about herself and her life non stop for hours. I only had to say hello and goodbye and we were both happy at the end of our visit!

Try not to worry about the age gap at work. Once again ask the staff questions about themselves and see where the conversations go. Some of my dearest friends in life have been about 20 years older than me. Even as a teenager I had much older girlfriends.

Can you connect with people of your own nationality at all? Are there social groups in your region from the same country you came from?

Do you work full time? Is it at all possible for you to do some volunteer work, even if it is for a couple of hours a month. It might be a way for you to meet new people.

We moved to a different town. I joined the Church, a craft group and a volunteer organisation to meet new people. I find it hard to do this, but I didn't want to feel isolated.

This is a long post! One more thing, do you keep in touch with your family and old friends at home?

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

 

Fairywings
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi beautiful im so sorry you are feeling this way. we r such a beautiful bunch in here who r all here for you. It sounds to me like you are spiralling and you are finding it difficult to come out of. Have you spoken to your husband about how you are feeling i'm just a little worried for you right now. Let me tell you something you do nothing wrong with people you are not weird in the slightest sense you are just having a bit of a rough patch at the moment and we will all help you get thru this. What other interests do you have i just feel you may need to take some time out from everything just so u can rediscover yourself again. sitting by nature is the best place for self discovery. If you are beginning to have some concerns for your well being i would def go and speak to your local gp they will be able to guide you as well. xx Venessa Please keep in touch. 🙂

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi lost, welcome

Loneliness means sometimes that you cant fill in your time easily while alone. If your husband was a part time worker you might feel differently. Back to that soon-

Try joining sporting clubs, volleyball was my favourite but there is badminton and table tennis. Ignore the fact you cannot play!  Dancing, line dancing is still popular.

I also think that people nowadays have their cliques that allow them a "comfort zone" which means new commers find it hard to break into the fold. I think about my friends and my wifes friends and they are all friends of 10 years or more. Also I've found some towns are more friendly than others.

Back to hubby. More your lifestyle with hubby. Sometimes things need change. Is there a way to consider a move? I don't know how big your town is but a move to a smaller town? Buy your own bakery to allow you to work the hours you choose and work together?

Ideas, I don't have many on this.

Tony WK

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi, Me again!

I just had another thought. You have written " Lost in a good book" Does that mean that you like reading?

Do you live close to a library?

Libraries these days sometimes have all kinds of activities happening in them.

Some people are part of book clubs where you all read the same book and then chat about it.

Our local libraries have everything happening from children's story telling to Scrabble.

If you are into books, check out the local library.

I'm not sure if there is a thread here about books. You might like to start one up and share what books you like to read, others will join in with the discussion.

It is great to have real life friends, but if you feel like a bit of extra friendly chit chat cyber style, then check out the "BB Café" thread.

Maybe you could use some of the discussion topics on this BB Cafe thread in real life when with your family, friends, work mates and customers! Now that is an idea I might even adapt to my own life!

Cheers from Dools

 

 

Gruffudd
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi there,

You sound interesting, I would love to ask you so many questions. I should start by saying welcome, and if you want to be a little social the Community forum has plenty of room for that and you definitely would be most welcome there. Sounds rather lonely there even though you are surrounded by people. Could I ask some questions? You don't have to answer them if you don't want to...

Where in the world did you move to Australia from? Me, my family is from Wales, I also have Icelandic heritage. 

What is something you enjoy doing that makes you feel good? Me, I like getting out in the garden and making it neat and keeping it green and cared for. 

What is your favourite book, the one you could read over again? Me, I have read Bruce Chatwin, "On the black Hill" about 6 times now. It is about the lives of a set of Welsh twins from their childhood in the 18 somethings to their passing on of the family farm to their nephew in the 1980's. It takes me to family memories. 

I look forward to seeing you around the Beyond Blue forums.

Rob.

 

 

Guest_1055
Community Member

Hello Lost in a good book

I just wanted to give you a welcome hug, if you like hugs. Your choosen name draw me to your thread. Because I often get lost in a book myself.

I am sorry you feel alone, I know what that can feel like. I am also not much good at making or keeping friends. I feel so awkward and don't know what to say. Are you the same?

If you don't want to work in a florist shop, is there anything else you are interested in? I actually like arranging flowers just at home though.

Yes sometimes it is hard being around people. I wish I could advice you there. But I only know how you feel.

Hope you post again. Take care now

Shelley xx

Lost_in_a_good_book
Community Member

Thank you for taking the time to read my rambles and respond, it means a lot 🙂 

I'm from England and I talk with my Mum all the the time but hardly ever with my Dad and brother. I feel guilty for leaving them and always worry about not being there if they need me. I don't really have any friends back in England, I drifted away from the ones I did have long before coming to Australia.

I spend a lot of time reading (hence the name), mostly science fiction/fantasy, i like my books to take me somewhere a little less everyday. 

I keep trying different hobbies but it's finding one that sticks. I'd love to do classes in something but indecision and fear of being the weird girl sat alone in the corner (again) stop me, plus chances are it will be during the couple of hours I get to see my husband.

 He's an apprentice baker at the moment so any changes there have to wait until he's qualified. He does try to spend as much time as he can with me and i think he understands how i feel, he worries and on my really bad days he asks me to get help, but i can't bring myself to get confirmation that there is something wrong with me. It always passes, it always seems to come back but it does always go.