Lonely

[That Other Guy]

I am autistic. I've struggled with friendships my entire life. My wife spent all of last year saying she wanted to leave me, or be in an open relationship. We got through that and are doing pretty good now. However, I met a lady I really liked when we were open (I met quite a few but one stood out) and I had to cut things off with her because when I went back to blissful monogamy, she kept pushing me for sex. I had one close friend for the first time in my life, I helped him when he was homeless and he lived with us 6 months. When his daughter turned 18 he became sexually interested in her 18 yo friends, to the point I'd visit and he'd be too busy texting some 18 yo girl. He borrowed money he didn't repay and I used that as an excuse to end that friendship. My wife lives 2 hours drive from me, I see her 1-2 weeks a month. I spent a week a month interstate for work, with my dad who is very far from me politically and very bigoted and sexist. I just feel like I don't belong anywhere and whereever I am, if I am not with my wife, I have no friends I can talk to or count on. I've had the same email friend for over a decade and he's literally my only friendship. I do love going to live music and last time I went, I again met someone random and talked to them all night, I am not hard to get along with. I have two kids, one lives with me and has started spending some time with me again (I was basically an alcoholic all last year and he withdrew), but I only see him one week a month. My other son lives in a house I just bought him, and we see each other once a week when I am there, which is then once or twice a month. I also can't use social media, I got a Facebook ban for saying my honest opinion. Social media is basically broken and I am nearly always on a ban because I often speak my mind when it comes to people promoting hate or division. I feel like if I just didn't care I would do better. I guess I just feel after 53 years, I need to get used to not having friends again. I've had others but they all drift away with time. I'm in a band but struggle to turn that into friendship (the bass player also votes one nation so that's a hard pass).

I guess I took the 2500 character limit as a challenge 🙂 Sorry for waffling on. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for, I just know I feel sad a lot of the time.

[day1startsnow]

Hi 🙂
Thanks for sharing your thoughts - I don' know if I will be any help, but I am sorry you are feeling sad most of the time 😞 That is a difficult place to be in, especially long-term. It sounds like you definitely want perhaps a couple close friends, to share your life with, I know you said the people in the band you struggle to turn that into friendship, do you have any other hobbies where you are with people that you can possibly connect? (ps thanks for the laugh re: the voting preference lol)

-Ash

[Guest_1584]

Hi op/

And l'm sorry for the ways things have been running for you. l don't even bother talking politics with anyone imo in this country it's pretty useless bothering. And l can certainly hear you in the friends department , l'm a touch older but have yet to have a lasting friendship. With me one of us has usually moved and we've lost contact in the end that's been happening since l was a kid. Your meeting women though , how do you manage that ? But perhaps it's a new partner for you down the line then more so than the friends stuff. That's always seemed to be the way it goes for me actually.

l don't think your missing much in SM though. l haven't bothered using any of it in yrs myself and wouldn't touch it now. l just find it all a pretty warped up surreal type of world and so far from reality l just don't want it. A few forums is as close as l get these days.

lt's great your seeing your sons , treasure that it's a huge thing. l don't really have any advice sorry, matter of fact l'm in a bit of a similar situation myself as l know many are. So feel free to come in and talk about things anytime.

Hang in there.

rx

[That Other Guy]

Hi day1, thanks for your message

I am a software developer. I like to cook and read books. None of those things tend towards meeting people 🙂 Through Facebook I met a lot of people I talked to online, but I can't hold down an account nowadays, which has made me feel more isolated again.

[That Other Guy]

hi RandomX

I avoid politics until it's shoved in my face, too. People guess my political bent because I am kind to strangers, usually.

Yeah, my kids are everything, always were.

How did I meet women? Well, I assumed I couldn't do it IRL so I joined dating sites. Most men on those sites are rude, pushy and just looking for sex. I can't tell you how many women told me it was thrilling to have a second date where I didn't ask why were not having sex yet. The bar is pretty low, by being basically respectful and kind I got a lot of interest. I also had a woman try to pick me up in a bar, so turns out I can do that too 🙂

I am very monogamous, I was very happy to turn away from all that and be with my wife again. But it was a huge ego boost to find out that I am actually viable in this big old world after all....

[Guest_1584]

Hi op.

Yeah right , l was on date sites for s short stint quite a few moons back in single days and they told me all the same stuff too, l was quite surprised for here really. lm in a few world wide forums with a lot of UK and US in them and date sites sound bloody terrible over there. Mine here were ok though, met some nice ladies but yeah they did all say the same stuff. l'm very similar to you though in those ways by the sound of it and l had zero interest in sleeping about at the time.

Hope your doing ok

All the best. rx