Lonely & confused

[CH14]

Hi,

I’m a young woman (mid-20’s) who’s struggling with feeling insecure, unmotivated, sad and lonely. 
 

I know how it feels to be low. Recently, my best friend got a new best friend, and it’s left me feeling extremely isolated. My boyfriend  has also distanced from me. 

I find it hard to vocalise how I feel. I feel a lot of sadness and pain and anger, but I also feel nothing. I hate who I am as a person - how I look, how I feel, my lifestyle. I try so hard to make things different for myself and nothing works. I feel unfulfilled professionally, and extremely lonely from my lack of friendships. Watching my best friend make different friends and support networks so easily makes me feel like I’m lacking. Because I don’t know why I’m not good enough to attract friends myself. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’m tired of trying so hard to feel good when nothing works. 

This year will be my first birthday ever spent alone. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know how to stop feeling bad about it. I see people all the time, happy, fulfilled, with multifaceted friendships and relationships. I feel so jealous. I crave someone who genuinely cares about me.
 

I feel so confused, and lonely and sad. I feel like I can’t keep continuing like this because every time I get knocked down it hurts 10x more than the last. 
 

I know I’m not alone in this story. But waking up to a bleak existence doesn’t hurt any less. I really need something to live for.

I wish I didn’t ruin relationships the way I have. Maybe that way I would actually have someone to message when I’m feeling low. I just wish that my old friends understood how sad I feel. When I’m in public, I feel claustrophobic and extremely insecure. And I find it hard meeting new people, prompting conversations etc. I just don’t know how to function like this 

[Bob_22]

Hi CH14,

Welcome to the forums and thank you sharing your story. I'm very sorry to hear that you've been feeling isolated, confused and sad. It sounds like you've been through alot this last year and I can't imagine what it's like for someone so young.  

Similar to you, I am also struggling socially at the moment. Most of my friends have moved out of town and I'm currently out of work which leaves me with few people to interact with. I have also been on antidepressants most of my adult life which have definitely helped me get through some tough times. Recently I have started being involved in the community on the forums here which has helped me feel part of something. I've also restarted some old friendships over the holiday period which has also been good for my social life and self esteem. Are there any interests or hobbies you have that you could partake in local classes for? That is a good way to meet new people. Or you could do like a TAFE short course or volunteer somewhere if that sounds inviting. I know you mentioned you unfulfilled professionally so maybe doing some study on the side could help you with your career as well as making new friends? I am starting TAFE in a month and am looking forward to meeting new people. 

Also perhaps you could ask your doctor for a referral to a counsellor. Even if its only once every two months I find that talking to a professional is a good way to get things off my chest as well. 

Anyway hope that helps. If we don't hear back I hope you have a lovely birthday. Thanks again for sharing and I hope you can find some other threads you like on the forums. 💙

Bob

[sbella02]

CH14,

Thank you for finding the courage to post your story here with us, we warmly welcome you to the forums. I'm here to echo and extend Bob_22's words and advice. 

I often find myself struggling socially. Particularly in the last few years, socialisation has become harder. Honestly, social media can be your best friend with this. If you'd feel comfortable joining something like Discord or Reddit, provided you're being cautious and responsible, you may be able to find likeminded online friends, without the obligation of a real-life, physical friendship. Online friendships can be a brilliant means of support and connection, when done right. 

Have you had a chat to your GP or a psychologist about how you're feeling? It may be useful to hear some professional advice, if you haven't already. They may also have some good strategies for you to try in social situations, as well as strategies to improve your self-esteem.

I struggle with self-esteem too, and something that often helps me is the repetition of positive affirmations. Things like "I am strong, I am enough" can be really powerful when repeated often, as the way we talk to and treat ourselves can have a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves and how we may interact with others. It may feel strange at first, but it can really make a difference if it becomes a habit.

Wishing you a happy birthday in advance, if you're feeling up to it, take yourself out to do something. Shopping, walking, perhaps if you have any old hobbies or interest, try immersing yourself in something that you enjoy. Make it a self-care day - it doesn't have to be a social occasion for you to feel special. You deserve to be happy on your birthday.

I hope you can find something in this advice that resonates with you. We're always here to chat some more, if you need. 

Wishing you all the best, SB

[Nautanki]

Hey, I really feel for you. I know what that feels like and it sucks. If you need someone to vent to, feel free to message me 🙂 I'm a 29vyear old woman who has been through something similar