Hello, I just hopped on here after almost a year, im now a fresh 17 year old and i feel myself falling down a hole again.. Im not really an emotional person, i am on the inside but on the outside you wouldn't ever guess that. I don't really cry, i feel the need to a-lot but it just doesn't happen. Everyone around me tells me that i keep everything to myself and carry a-lot of weight, being my own and everyone else's, i pile up and cant let it go, i hold onto things.. big or small, and think about it non stop. But lately i feel lonely, not lonely like i want someone here, lonely like there is none else on this earth for me. Im no-ones first choice.. i have amazing friends who make me laugh everyday but i still feel so incredibly lonely. At home i don't really have anyone to talk to, my little sister is my mums jewel who has her eye all the time… which isn't a problem because my sister needs help, she is 15 but still depends on her and i'm more independent.. i love my mum tho, she is amazing i just feel that i cant connect with her. Which also means that i get blamed for everything. I ask something simple and i get attitude. I get in trouble for everything and it seems in that household of 4 that i’m the punching bag of the family who gets blamed and gets everything put on them. At my dads its sorta the opposite, my dad is divorced from my mum and struggles with money a-lot, so i try help out but i just get called lazy, i definitely connect more with my dad but we are barley at his. Don’t get me wrong i love my family it just feels like i have none in this world. Like i said i am nones first choice and that hurts like a hole in my heart as it is. But to then feel like i have none and to be a failure it kinda feels like i should just give up. Im about to go into year 12 which is so scary. I feel like i cant do it. I really cant describe the feeling i feel everyday endlessly, but it sucks. i just really don't know if i can do this.. i just feel shitty a-lot of the time. Im about to go into Christmas holidays for school.. so if you have an suggestions or like activities i can do to pass time and get my mind away from it, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
