living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[ecomama]

Lol yeah rx who'd have thought? lolol!

On deeper reflection "work" for me has me focus on others' needs (and there are a cajillion of those lol) and get out of my own head, if you know what I mean.

It's like taking a break from my own mind lol.

I like my mind, it's pretty cool lol, but I think us human are wired to "share".
Without my partner here, I still share quite alot I guess but it's nowhere near the taking, sucking the life blood out of me lol of my previous relationship.

I truly am fully aware of the conditioning of that r/ship - on the look out for 'needing' a sense of drama > WHICH I DO NOT.
I love calm.

I do need to expend a LOT of energy though. Like an ADD thing but apparently I'm not lol.
Just really high energy levels.

Omg!
That's incredibly awesome news about GF maybe being able to move down for good rx!!!
I'm so happy for you both / all!
I really hope things can wrap up for GF legally ASAP.

I wish you all the very best rx. Happy Days!

Yeah bullying stinks.
I know my kids and I have had to dig really deep to just not stay in a shell and forget about the world.
I'm glad the kids are all engaged in the world outside school.
This has helped buoy them for sure.

Glad you liked work today and so glad about GF. Yay!

Love EM

[ecomama]

Yeah I'm a speed typer lol.

[Guest_1584]

Think your on the stuff darlin , kidden, couldn't resist haha. Nah but the expending yeah kinda obvious first post of urs l ever read l think that one , good way of getting it all outa there though really too in a forum or something isn't it. l purposely try not to go into things too deeply myself it's too personal for me and l'll often still end up wishing there was an edit or delete.

And thx very much for the nice wishes very appreciated and back at ya with your own sitch too. But alas , really it changes daily this last few days alone would take a page , sooooo, we see ! And even if she can this time one email or call could still need her back to Sydney next flight for something else they've decided they need in person or some rubbish or other tbh so yeah it's a we just have to see for now thing .

That'd be nice helping people for a job l'm designing the next job this wk and that's one of my fav parts so that helps a lot and really takes me away, great for our old friend MH and other stresses.

Must be beautiful with the kids all out there and into life.

Take care . rx

[ecomama]

"the stuff"??? omg rx you total ratbag! hahaha!

I don't even drink caffeinated coffee lol. I CAN'T!
I'd be pinging off the ceilings 24/7.

Barely take anything but some homeopathics. LEGAL ones.

I'd have to Mandatory Report myself if I did lololol.

Don't worry though, I've heard it all before... my trauma psych thought I was lying to her about zero meds lol, so I gave her open and full permission to talk with all my GPs.
Anyone.

I'm about the same age as that trauma psych and she thought I was nuts still climbing trees lol.
My Chiro encourages it.
She didn't believe me on that either, so I gave her open permission to talk with him too!!

So funny...

Yeah I know what you mean about things changing in the flick of a switch with legal matters...

The nicest thing about what you wrote is that you guys are hanging in there for each other.
Awwww so sweet rx.

I'm quite happy to live vicariously through other people's love stories atm lol!!!

What makes you happy... do that. Love it!

EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Haaaa you stuff you , l've still got it right , admit it. Well l've just wasted 2 or 3 hours lookin at mattresses , crikey l think l'll just move to the floor. lnternet shopping can be really handy or it can drive me insane.

Funny about caffeine ex always got her most fav in the whole world coffees when they'd do a Belgium stop over but you know what , she'd still be bouncing off the walls 4 days later back at home. Dunno what was in it but it set her right off .

But you'd know all about hanging in there and support too, it does amaze us though. Yaknow we actually keep growing , while she's away, even with the shyt we've both been going through. l can never believe stories l read not here but in say a relationship forum l'm in for example , people are apart 2 or 3 wks once and the relationships fallin apart or they're that self centered they're screwing around can't even last a mth or some bs .

We amaze ourselves really, all the time , still support ea other day to day all my crap all hers , still love , talk , work through anything, grow , we actually get closer , isn't that bizarre. She does go a bit ratty up there but as long as l'm steady for her she comes good , she's going through so much anyone would be going off. Are you guys still with ea other usually like everyday type thing , well if he's not out buried in snow somewhere ?

Hate to say it but my ex just wasn't very good at a real partnership like that especially apart she just didn't seem to understand support, communication, filling in that gap. She'd had it sounded like a weird marriage ex thing before. On one hand they'd sound like they'd appear one of those perfect couple types but yet on the other no depth, true coupleness, l don't think she really understood how to be it.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Mind you , we've also had many a moment too , indecision's, ex's , mine was a bit soon and hers is full of court cases , don't thinks we can do this right now times and she's been all over the shop too at others with everything goin on many a time too, and l have myself at others.Do we wait or walk away has been a biggie too with no time frames around things at her end or idea of the outcome anyway.

But strangely we somehow just keep on sort of getting through and out the other side almost effortlessly in the end and wind up even closer , it's really bizarre . Well to date anyway.

rx

[ecomama]

Yup internet shopping nup. BF can do it all very happily but he's quite the opposite to me - really into any hi-tech stuff.
Me. Not. Lol.

With a mattress I want to lay down on it to try it out!!
I need to buy one in a few months... I'm gonna get one of those super cloudy ones lol.
My bones need it I think!
If my Chiro disagrees then I'll go with what he says sighhh.

Yes absolutely BF and I communicate every day, when he's not snowed in, in a remote Alaskan mine with no wifi omg who'd even write that in Australia! Sometimes I can't believe it myself.

BF only told me last week that he has awful anxiety if we don't communicate for a few days. I didn't know that, well he didn't tell me.
I think HE has trauma for what he went through with our safety throughout that time.

But even thru all the Court stuff we communicated every day, even if the call was cut short by a Lawyer phoning blah blah blah.
We USED to email every day, text AND call. Now it's usually a call.

So much was changing minute to minute and he needed to know we were all still here.

In fact Alexa told me tonight that she had full blown anxiety today that demon had obliterated us all here when she couldn't get thru text or call today.
Our network was down and none of us realised.

So we've put the work in to recover and set up all sorts of safety mechanisms but the people who love us the most are still suffering from trauma that we went thru.

Seriously take it from me, I'm a straighty 180 where "substances" are concerned.
Pretty wild at times with fun here when possible. Happy UNbirthday parties and such lol.
No alcohol. No drugs.
I have to be alert pretty much 24/7. Doing well tho.

I won't bother to go into details over my previous "marriages". Basically NO time apart and they still couldn't keep the little member faithful.
Their next partners have suffered enormously.
Not my monkeys lol not my circuses any more THANK GOD.

BF is so worthy of my commitment and fidelity.
I wouldn't betray him or any other partner previously anyway.
Not my M.O. They were hideously boring ppl. I still wouldn't betray someone I was with.

BF and I have grown closer too, in spite of the separation and distance. We've shared more with each other than any body else before.

At first, he said this would test the strength of our relationship.
Now I'd say we're solid.

EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Happy for ya em sounds like you've both well earned some beautiful coupleness , the real .

And no worries l know l'm only stirrin , you wouldn't be the mother you are if otherwise.

l dunno , after all that ranting l've hit the negatives - of course, just doesn't pay l tell ya better off keepin my mouth shut. Thing is , nothings real until it is , until then though , this is life , and when we just dont' know anything about anything , there are the times lately l just wonder if l know wth l'm doing and just how wiser a move is this. She has the crappiest life up there alone going through everything she is , and l do down here too , gotta wonder if enough is enough, lifes too short. We thought and talked many times do we wait or do we walk away , could we just check in later , when it's all over and we can actually do something with this, l still don't know. Hence this thread and the living alone stuff.Ex was living in 2 countries and gf in 2 states , jezuz hth did l manage that.

Not that l can even in-vision or see anyone else , l could see that if it would be so , but l don't , with the poss exception of ex , but l can't see anyone else.Yet at times it's like wth , this is crazy and could be yrs yet or never. Yep big things have happened in this last few days , won't go into them , but any ideas and plans are blown to bits , again , for now or however long, again.

l can't see or feel anyone else, but at times like now this still feels like a crazy gamble and not too smarter way to go. 21/2 yrs of it. What must it be like to have a partner down the road and a real life together . Can't even remember.

End of rant. rx

[ecomama]

Dear rx, not a rant at all.

Just a push-pull tug of war in your mind... yep wth are you doing kinda thinking.

I think you answered yourself really?

If you still have really strong feelings for GF and I know you've worked through so much together, then just for a moment imagine breaking up... (it feels like midstream)... and trying to move on?

In my experience only, when I broke up "midstream" I didn't choose my next partner any more wisely - I hope I've learnt alot more by now ofcourse... still... it's weird for me, not exciting or that I'd even be "ready" etc.

If GF feels ANY THING like I did through the Courts time, I repeatedly said to BF that I needed to let him go.
This shyt wasn't fair on him.
It wasn't HIS doing nor his responsibility to help me through it.
I was a basket case.
I felt I was no good AT ALL for him.
I didn't have a clue when or IF we'd see each other again... so what was the point?

Etc etc etc.

BF was 100% resolute.
He loved me and that was that.
Whatever I was going through meant he stood by me, because he was "my man".
Sooooo he did.

I was astounded by him.

I never expected in a million years, anyone would do that.

So there's the midstream issue AND moving on whilst you're in that place.

Then there's the potential of regret.
Letting someone go whom you know is good to be with.

But then there's the reality of your now.

Have you done that exercise I made up? (lol can't believe I haven't shared it with you already if I haven't)...
Sitting down and having a talk with the rx 5y from now.
Asking him what you should do?

Then the rx 10y from now.
Asking HIM what you should do now?

It's all about you right now.
You can ask your "future self" what your best path is.

If he's half as wise as the rx now then he may have some great points!

Love EM

[Guest_1584]

Ahh thx for that em appreciated.

lronic that someone else here is going through such a similar thing, ahhh but anyway. Yeah we've had those talks many times too, she's amazed l'm still here too, sabotaged us a dozen times to set me free too butttt, still we're here. lt's funny that , she just can't understand my support and still being here, it's like she just didn't know men could be made of that stuff but admittedly it doesn't sound like many Portuguese people are , but she is, no doubt about that , maybe she's the exception but she's one helluva exception then.

And thanks to yeah l have done that a few times actually but the answer always depends and if someone was to ask me it'd be the same. The first thing is can it even be , can it def' be down the track, and things can change anyway. People can change , and things can happen , so do ya wanna take that gamble when there's no certainty , that's the biggie isn't it. Bc if you aren't gonna be able to have a life together at the end of it if that's what you need and want then it's crazy to wait. And then of course the main biggie the person , the two of you, and everything you have , feelings, ya don't go through this crap for just anyone blindly. Well , for us , it's bc we're both such rare people and individuals and so is our thing. So without going into all that too much but yeah it always comes back to that sort of thing. l know what's out there and it'll never be anything like this sooooo, well , we soldier on.

But even with all that yaknow, there's still gotta be a real life together at the end of it or what's the point. That's the toughy one minute there is next there might not be next it's another 12mths, 6yrs all up living like this between ex and gf now and on and on, so much life unlived , yaknow.

Still , can't feel anyone else, not the real anyway, there's just nothing, total blank, sooooo.

rx