living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[ypla]

I've been living alone for a while now. I'm scared of sleeping at dark and I fear that someone might be breaking into my home. I jump out of the bed thinking someone had broken into my house but it was just possums. I spend time in just one room. It was harder during the lockdown. I used to love living alone but now it's getting to me.

[Guest_1584]

You know what l'm fining the same lately. l didn't mind it before but lately l'm not liking it at all and it's been a real wake up call too actually bc l know l don't want it anymore.

And don't worry l think a lot of people must surely get a bit jumpy , l'm a 6ft guy and even l find a big house and just me unsettling sometimes,

[blondguy]

Hey RX and Ypla

I hear you there RX and Ypla

when I was renting on acreage in the 1980's its spooked the hell out of me..seriously ..Just for myself I used to listen to talkback radio which helped...and always had a background light on somewhere...

Hope you are doing well RX!

[ecomama]

Hey rx, sure no probs brother...

What a crazy story of gf being here one minute then wow all the way up there the next!

Family Law Court for the lengths of time we're talking about is one MH screw up, for sure.
It's just feeding another "Industrial Complex" to suck $$ out of families and throw it to legals.

Completely unnecessary the way it is. But the dollar has power.

We're drawn into it and have no escape but to give in to the other party and usually we just can't do that. On Principle alone.

Anyhow I saw you & ypla speaking of being alone in a house.
It's a thang all right!

I used to be scared of the dark even as an adult.
Then I just had to handle it and demon made that worse.
Fortunately Victims Services put CCTVs in!

Anyway I'd decided to "handle it" before then, just that my kids couldn't handle demon's stalking etc. Well none of us should've had to tbh!

My Counsellor had lots of tips before CCTVs, one was to have strong, heavy duty torches in different spots... one on our balcony to look at the back yard, one in the car, one in the hallway for the front garden etc.

Now it's so weird with the kids not home so much... like almost every night they're working or out. Which is great but Alexa said I was beginning the "empty nest syndrome" phase of my life...

oh great lol.

Having a DOG is really comforting!
He's only a rescue poodle lol but man can he BARK hahaha.

Plus he remembers I exist when the kids are all out hahaha.

I'm such a sook, I'm really going to miss the kids when they all move out.
I might become one of those "cat ladies" and I don't mean like in the Superhero movies either!
Like a REAL cat lady... with 100 rescue cats... then again maybe not.

I think I'll just get into Permaculture & Community Garden groups more.
Definitely more water stuff like kayaking, swimming, skin diving etc.
I'll be working till I drop so that will keep me busy and rewardingly tired also.

What do you guys do with your time when not working?
If you don't mind sharing.

EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Gday paul , yeah acreage can really get creepy l know. The guy that bought our old place 1 ac but with 20mtr Cyprus all around and big winds , actually started sleeping in my daughters tree old house away from the house. Said there was something wrong in the house , we always found that place creepy too, Last l saw him he was back in the house he'd decided it was his house and he wasn't living in the damn tree house anymore. l tried not to chuckle.

l use to leave the tv on in this place over night , the chatter in the background relaxed me

Hey cat lady yeah as you'd know your not alone many mums miss their kids later don't they , very understandable. Was that bc of ex's that you felt safer over there ?

But once again , he moved to the top of the US eh , my ex moved from Jersey ny side over to the west coast and san fran which made our flights 6hrs shorter with stops and all.She didn't like the west coast but she still had some yrs left to put in for her leave, then we were either gonna live here of NZ.

ps , living alone , l had a friend living alone renting this huge old farm house with get this , 17 ft ceilings .Mine are only 11 ft and l hate them , too high too much emptiness just not as cosy . She kept half the house shut off but still those ceilings way up there brought on a whole nother dimension to that place on her own.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Hey em

l'm never out of things to do whether it be movies bed and pc's or doing stuff around the place , something going on in the shed , like l'm still renovating that canoe, l've been using it half finished haha ,then it goes back into the shed for a bit more work. l only actully work maybe 6mths a yr , but scatted all over usually after l finish a job which might take 2 wks or a mth , l'll then have at least that off the following , sometimes a lot longer , few mths. But l dunno , there's always something to do l've always had many pans in the fire even when l was a kid, l drive myself a bit nuts like that - but l'm also quite content just sitten back for awhile.

rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx

Yes it was because of demon ex and it's family that the only place I felt safe was when I was out of the country. Since this realisation, ofcourse, I worked hard to make things safer for me and the kids.
ppl think that ex has given up but they don't know it like I do.
Less than a week ago, they called my children's work and asked the boss questions about their work schedules.
Pffft like the boss was gonna give them anything lol, that boss told them to leave or he'd call the police last time.

They're all abusive perpetrator control freaks.
The thing that gets them the MOST is being cut off from "the money"... OUR money, not theirs.
Darned ridiculous.
They'll never give up.

But WE are doing much better. Even with all this.

So is your GF a U.S. Citizen also?

BF is in Alaska atm. No communication for a few days being on a remote mine.

I like your work schedule rx!! lol.
Though that kind of thing would take me a LONG time to get used to.
I don't think I could manage it well.
I thrive on my work schedule. It even helps me eat better which is strange I know.

Sure I like the money too! I have alot of financial abuse to recover from financially.
But even if I was doing much better, I still don't want to give up work.
Even when I was doing this kind of work as a Volunteer, I loved it.
BF is not happy about me not retiring at some point LOL!

I get alot of paid leave as it is, in my books. That's enough for now and maybe forever, IDK.

I get too much in my head with endless days not at work.
Even my leave time has a schedule, not as tight but it's still there.

Coming from a family of workaholics is a thang! lol.

Love EM

[Guest_1584]

Ah right , good old ex eh. my gf's ex and his family are trying to keep money too, one f her legal matters.

Yeah that was ex in san fran , she's italian but working living in the us until her contracts up. She's not a citizen doesn't wanna be but her companies multi international mega bucks and they take care of all visas and crap ongoing.

Hahaaa yeah me to it's why l work for myself normal hrs would kill me couldn't do it spoilt way too long . But l do hear you with working , l'm all over on that one right now though only a yr ago l thought l'll always work l enjoy it and especially my trips. But the last 18mths has been that damn stressful suddenly l'm wondering if l can even handle work now, don't know if l'll turn again , kinda hoping l do bc l can't afford not to right now, we see.

lt is great for the mind yeah for sure it's always been my go to to free up my mind .

Hope ya get to talk to bf soon eh.

rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx

How are you doing? Sorry I left your reply hanging for so long.

You said you weren't sure if you could keep on working?
It's a weird / quite strange "balancing act" when we're struggling with MHIs and / or issues within our families IMHO.

Last year, you might know, I took 2 month's leave on half pay. SO much was going on and the C-PTSD was unmanageable. (Got MH help, did stacks of research etc etc the rest is history there lol). Then I only returned 3 days per week for the next 8 months or so.

I realised that I need, like NEED to work.
Even if I didn't need the money, I need to work for my own MH.

The balancing act I could tangibly sense was this >>> Unless I had quite a formal structure to my days, I could feel the whirling vortex of being in my own mind, too easy to "drag" me in to.

In reality it's not like that because we do have measures of control over our minds.
I just felt that last year.

Maybe if I had a "better handle on my MH" I'd be okay with not working, IDK... my rational side is stronger when I'm working.
My emotional / psychological side is kept in check.
Strange balancing act lol.

How are things with GF?
The Courts ended up approving my piddling offer to ex BECAUSE he was not showing full financial disclosure. Lying. Manipulating. It was so blatant, it was almost embarrassing lol!!

BF got out of being snowed in in Alaska.
Tbh that was the least of my own issues (certainly outside my control or influence anyhow).

Then 3 bullying incidents: 1 for me at work > I reported.
1 long running one for son > he signed out of school yesterday, sadly at the time. He's "good" now I hope! He has a Managerial training thing, now working at 2 stores, training and being paid pretty well.
1 long running one for youngest D > she's pulling in ALL the strategies she can think of to hold on till she can legally leave school in a year. Sad too.
She has a Traineeship I hope the school will sort out their end asap.
Then she can have one day off to work.

Pretty hard core. Not just the bullying which is disgusting.
The reactions of my kids.

BIG day at work for me today.
Early start.
Late finish lol.
Huge project running all day, that I have to oversee.

Better go!

Take care rx!
Love EM

[Guest_1584]

Bo worries at all but oh God your getting a share of it right now aren't ya. So sad with the kids , really hope they can get through ok My d was really lucky at school they literally fought over her right through and she'd train the teachers and literally did what she wanted. How bizarre that all those same kids now have all turned on her as young so called adults , life eh, this kids stuff is heartbreaking buttttt, l guess it's all training for the big one hey , life. l dunno.

Hth did you write all that before a big work day but geez nice job of getting through too btw and doing what your soul needed and for now with work again too really nice to hear. l honestly don't know which way to cut it in that department atm got a thread about it can't remember if you've seen that one. Right now though l am getting back into and enjoying it again too , didn't think that'd happen this yr so all that's helping a lot right now. We see l suppose.

gf , ahh, poor bugger, she's smack in the thick of it all and then some right now. There is one ray of sun though in that there's a slight maybe she might be able to come back down and stay put this time in mth , msybe two , so weren't not getting hopes up buttttt, we see.

Take car eh and hope you enjoyed work , that sounds weird , but hey l did myself today - who;d have thought.

rx