living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Guest_1584]

Ah man , disappointing , today was just an ordinary day , bit over cast , not even some spitting.

geez 130k sounds like nothing really , must of been a packet back then though l suppose. They'd spend a few million just on the robot now.

yeah that was sad that one wasn't it , damn. Still haven't got my key but d reckons it's all fixed , eeh haaa

How was your wkend mate ?

l worked sat morng then l went back to bed later till sunday.. but today l went for a walk along the cliff , l'm just in from the great ocean road, l was hoping for more storms was the idea but it was bloody sunny up there , great walk though. stopped in for a drink at a mates on way back, talked some shyt haha. bout it for me

rx

[blondguy]

Hey RX

Thanks for posting back RX. My weekend wasnt too bad...I had some company and watched 'Street Kings' with Keanu Reeves on bluray....it was loud and had a good time. I am fortunate as I have a close friend that says hello every few weeks which is really nice

I love the great ocean road....I remember driving it in a 6 year old Ford XBGT 351 when the road through the Otways was unsealed dusty and slippery.....ahhh memories 🙂

Im just glad I wasnt standing on that 'bridge' (London Bridge?) that collapsed with people left stranded on the wrong side that had to be rescued by a Bell JetRanger.....ugh!

You always get the excellent storms on the Great Ocean Road (Apollo Bay area) ...I wish!

Always a bonus to have you on the forums RX

Are the trades busy?.....silly question but on the forums there is no such thing as a dumb question so I thought Id ask anyway 🙂

My Best as always RX

Paul

[Guest_1584]

ahh would've been a beautiful drive in the 351 mate yeah/

Apollo Bay is my d and me's fav town we often go over for a few days. l've tried to create a holiday spot for her yaknow , as a kid , it's nice later to be able say oh when we l was a kid we always holidayed here or there yaknow.

thinkin she might be getting a bit bored with it now though and it's more me than her. we do go a lot of other places but for a little holiday that's our main spot. One of my most fav towns in oz yaknow . l'd bloody move there next and plonk forever l reckon but it's all too dear now.

Sounds like a nice wkend anyway mate, can't be some good movies eh.

l don't really do much visiting or have many people to visit anyway so it's been nice last few wkends to get out for a bit of a drink and a yak with someoen. Don't think l'll see the guy from sunday again though , l was just getting funny vibes from him and l'm not all sure if he's too good for me to be around right now so might lay low on that one for now.

Yeah pretty busy at work but l've also been so slack too . So many other hassles all this year l think l'm about ready to stop for awhile haha.forever would be great actually. Can't really say l've worked very hard but just coping with all the hassles on the sideline has been a full time thing , hasn't stopped all year, one thing after another or 10 at once. So many things my ex use to take care of too so easily but l seem to have a lot of trouble with. really miss that l hate dealing with most of it.

[Guest_1584]

l knew l had a thread around here something like this and l could really use some chat about everything right now.

Sooooo, once again l';m living on my own . But l'm really feeling it lately.

My d was living here all last yr between her bf's and out somewhere , nother story also around bb somewhere . My gf - although l really don't know whether to even call her that right now - but she wanted to move in well over 12mths ago , and swap all of her legal dramas down to vic from nsw and sydney- but l said no at the time.

Some might know l had some space problems back then bc well , not only am l a spacey person anyway at best of times, l'd also been mostly living alone 5 or 6 yrs earlier too. l didn't want to rush into living together either. We've got use to my spacey stuff since then and we've adapted to roaming about quite happily together , she doesn't take it personally anymore either and so she's pretty relaxed about it these days and even started enjoying a bit of time to ourselves herself. So that part of things panned out really nicely really , when she's home again .

Thing is , bc l didn't want to live together she had to keep her legal dramas in sydney and there's been big hold ups from covid , with the hearing and lawyers and the whole show. lt would've been over with by now if not for covid problem is now though there's a long back log and no one can tell her when her case will be heard. lt could be 6mths, 12mths, next yr , no one can say. But she has to stay up there now seeing her layers and others and preparing the case , until the hearing.

l asked for it l know , fool. Expecting the poor thing to keep coming up and back until l was ready , and now this hold up unknown- talk about karma.

Thing is , not even being together 6mths, 12mths , maybe longer now, l'm back to being full time alone apart from my d coming and going a little but she's had big problems and is sticking mostly close to her mum right now and fair enough l want her to do whatever she needs to to get through this.

But ldk what to do about gf , or when we'll even be together again , to wait for her, or just what the hell/ She's stressed 24/7 bc she's doing it really tough up there right now and this legal crap has worn her out. So we hardly text and only call now and then , her nerves are just shot , and l can't cope with anymore messaging and mobile relationships either. l've got my own crap too and it taking it's toll.

[Guest_1584]

Problem is , even though it's my own fault not letting her move in earlier , this is what we have now , and l just don't know what to do with it.

l'm on my own , getting older lifes passing by we have no idea when or if she'll be back.l mean she could even meet somebody else up there in all that time, or l could here, you know.

l'm thinking we should maybe just put US , on the back burner , until her stuff is done and settled , get back in touch then and just see where we're both at then. She's been up home 3mths now already , we're hardly communicating bc of the stress , could be another yr even 18mths.

l dunno , but if anyone drops in and has any thoughts , l'd like to hear them. l have no life l'm alone all the time apart from a few work customers and encounters , l'm just not feeling like it's too smart just going on like this indefinitely.

rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx

I've got to leave to get ready for work shortly, so just a message to let you know that someone's reading and cares about what you and gf are going through.

As you may remember, I'm in a similar but quite different situation with fiancee who lives in the U.S.
I also went through years of Court's fiasco with an extremely vindictive ex husband (now) whilst in this LDR.

I'm still in a relationship with BF but due to covid, no idea when we'll see each other again or how.

I had many convos with bf about 'releasing him' to find love somewhere else, bec the legal wrangle was all encompassing (plus work and kids and PTSD etc).
He didn't want to at all, said he couldn't as his love rested with me - kind of convos.
I don't bring this up anymore, he never has btw.

IDK rx but do you want gf to remain in your life long term?
ie it's a corny question and I don't want to seem disrespectful, but is she WHO you want?
ie to spend the rest of your life with?

You've said how you and she have worked through the issues brought about by your "spacey - ness" and that's a big thing.

Sometimes in relationships there IS no known 'end date' to major stressors one or both ppl have. It could've been one or more of a million potential possibilities that were thrown into the mix.
For you guys it seems to be her legal stuff. Distance. Your unwillingness to co habitate so early in the r/ship (which I think is sensible btw).

Do you BOTH feel you're at a cross roads or is it only YOU feeling this way?
She may not be able to cope with you putting this to her atm. The stress of this on top could push her to end things, that's how I felt anyhow.

SO to me you have 3 choices:
1. Leave things same (and maybe travel UP to see her more regularly).
2. Make a "deeper" commitment to her, even if only in your own mind but tell her you're in it for the long haul.
3. End things.

TWO questions:
- Right now, which option feels more comfortable to you?
- Thinking of the rx moving forward which option seems the most sensible to you?

Personally I think it takes a huge amount of commitment from both parties to hang in there in a LDR. Each person needs to have the fortitude, feelings and knowledge that THIS is the r/ship they WANT.

Take care, talk soon
EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Hi em , l'll come back tonight too just a big thx for the thoughts. Yeah remember your sitch and often wonder how your going.

You might not know can't remember but my ex was working in the US too so somehow l've found myself in 5 yrs of on of long distance now, hth did l manage that, clever boy right.

Yeah l'd be happy to go up visit tie things over that way but she's such a mess and staying in a really crappy place , l use to between her down here but lately for her it's just not comfortable right now and the last thing she feels like is sitting in motels , her nerves are just shot up there. When she's here she just settles in and calms down , rests up and becomes at peace again , stable and just gorgeous and we just find us again , but up there she just turns into a mess so atm we're holding off on me going up.

She's said that to me a few times too and l've said the same. lt's not that l can't do the time, we've come so far in the last yr got no probs with the time now or with us in those ways , couldn't ask for more, as long as you have each other. The problem for me is she's the one that's all over the shop , she chops and changes she's on off in out up down and bloody everywhere. lf l wait for however long this takes , l just don't know if she'll even be there at the end of it she's so on off right now.

l'll come back. rx

[Guest_1584]

The other thing her moving in at that time was my daughter was moving back in too well they hadn't even met . They have since though and funny but they get along really well. Her visits since then though she could've but by then the court thing up there had taken hold and she had to go back, and also some work at this last 6mths too.

But yeah we've talked marriage always have it's always been a keeper she knows that and knows l'm there and in it, feels it , but l need to feel that from her too . But as l say she's all over the shop, and that's why my questioning things lately. But yeah like you through that time she just doesn't have the mental space and energy to answer anything now and l never push it l'm moreso working this out on my own actually she's just not upto it understandably, she's in a terrible situation poor thing. l've thought of setting her free too right now actually, moreso than myself.

On a good day though she'll say she doesn't care about 6mths or 12mths, we're all life so she'll get through this and then it's done.Buttttt, she's so all over and opposite the next so that's hard to take seriously lately.

rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx

Yeah, I totally get it about her not moving in at the time. It was wise re: your daughter too.
I'm glad you did it that way.

Sure, anxiety definitely DOES take hold of a person when they're going through hell in Court(s).
I totally get that too.
It's pretty obvious that it's not YOU who's the problem, it's the SITUATION.

5y well snap!
I KNOW right?
BF posted all over the forums we met through, that his next GF had to live within 5klm of him LOL! Umm 12 000 ain't 5.
He moved to the top of America for work in this time anyway.

In our sitch it was BF who had the fortitude to hang on thru that.
I had the commitment but not the time or freedom to express it.

Within a month of Courts ending, he flew out. Things were a mess here, Alexa had fled her r/ship with the kids and was living here too! Then SHE was packed full of anxiety and it went on.

And same, when I'm with him I can relax more. I feel far safer when I'm OUT of Australia, not in it.

Tbh I didn't want BF to have to cope with "how I'd be AFTER the Courts"... he said he loved me regardless and has shown this to be true.
For sure he had no idea if we'd still be together at the end, neither did I, but we live with this kind of 'danger' all the time.

From what you've just written it's like YOU are committed 100% but can't tell if she has the capacity to be for the long haul, given what's she's going thru.

I think you're opting for hanging in there?
If you want to communicate how BF did, then he just stayed "solid" on us (still does lol due to Covid).

He speaks of plans 'afterwards' and holds those dreams for us alive.
I do too now, but then I was just a mess.

I mean I didn't even have enough to eat. Went down from a robust size 14 to probably a size 2 - skeletal for the first time in my life. I got Church food from 2 places each week for years for the kids. Got everything I could for the kids.

I hope she's getting sound legal advice.
Please let her know she can get FREE legal advice if she doesn't like what her lawyers / barristers are saying via Women's Legal Service - a phone helpline.
I had their hotline straight to the Head for years. Man what a time.
I got THEIR advice then directed my legal team to what THEY said and they were on the money EVERY single time. Saved me tens of thousands and saved my kids & home in the end.

EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Thanks for that em.

Man rough times for you then for sure and congratulations on getting through it and enjoying the other side now, fantastic great stuff.

l'm always solid and future for her , but l've had a bucket load of crap myself too so at times when she gets so negative lately it just becomes too wearing of late and right now l just don't have it between on top of supporting sooooo .

5k eh , funny , you know l met her 2hrs away and l thought ahhhh, thank the gods.2hrs was around the corner after San Fran. She was my mates wifes best friend there when l went down to visit him one night. We were instant and the following wk she came up to mine for 2 days and stayed 6wks. She use to live near them but guess what , 2mths before she'd moved up to sydney to be near her son , she was only visiting that night. What the - how can this be !!!!! So we said ok well we'll just go back and forth for awhile and you can move down to mine later , but then the court thing started getting very messy , my daughter , and here we still are.

Yeah she's using legal aid now as well as some other people. Such a shame she had the best lawyer , brilliant lady she would've fixed it all but she left into another damn firm, such a let down butttt, we'll soldier on.

lronic how similar some of this is she's always worrying about me coping with all her crap too on top of what l have - and her moods and her everything else's , and she'll fly into sabotaging mode on bad days. know the patterns have a little chuckle to myself. l could write the script these days haha.

rx