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living alone
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Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?
No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.
l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.
It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.
But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.
This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.
But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.
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And the roller coaster continues, there's something in it circumstances or not.
Sometimes she's that damn hard to deal with, it's just a part of her personality she can't see, but it bloody wears you out and causes stuff to. l'm not perfect that's for sure but l also know when something is clearly not me but instead something l've seen and had to deal with many many times.
Not feeling to positive tbh l feel like just dumping it right now. Been all this time and drama after drama, but this stuff also just keeps rearing and doesn't change and it shakes me and the whole apple cart up and over nothing usually. Sometimes she just acts like an absolute fruitcake it's always been one side of her yet it always seems to be me dragging yet even more patients out of somewhere just to deal with it. Saw a lot of it through all her legal stuff and was pretty sure that's why lawyers kept dumping her case she went through 6 or 7. Now other people are trying to help her including me and l see it all happening again but get the same. l say look you treat people like that here that are trying to help you and they'll just tell you where to go and drop you like a hotcake-she doesn't get it.
Anyway, long and short of it is it's just more bs and l'm so sick of the stuff l've gone above and beyond, enough already.
rx
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Went kayaking today , it was suppose to clear my head some, didn't work, but it surely was beautiful none the less.Beautiful sun sand water people wondering the oars sounded like liquid happy sliding through the water, absolutely love their feel and that sound, pure bliss. Watched a guy later from up on the lookout trying to get his paraglider to take off, man it was funny l could feel his pain. This thing must've been 12mtrs across and the wind was dragging it and him along all over the beach but just would not life off. tell ya what he must've been exhausted .
Anyway , none of it cleared the head so so much for that feel more messed up than ever about things and very sad to but , it was a nice day that at least got me out and forgotten if just for the day. Buttttt, thoughts haven't changed and l still don't feel l wanna go on with things gf. Even those plans we made only a wk ago are already, already, looking choppy she's flipping all over the place already, can't do it any more.
She's always had that tenancy, a real unsteadiness about her, one reason l've had the trust problems with things. And then her court cases really threw her into orbit but thing is, that's not settling down, was for a few wks but it was very short lived.
l do wanna go on with that break and l think l have to. Don't really have a choice l can't deal with her anymore and l def' can't wait around with my future on hold and in her hands. Maybe she levels out again in time if things can settle down for her, who knows.
rx
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l reckon she needs to be on her own for awhile. She needs to reflect and realize just what bs she's put me through and how patient and supportive with it all and her l've been.
l don't know if it'll do her any good or change much though, she's never been able to see herself, doubt that's gonna change now. But she may at least see some of it .
rx
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Hi rx,
I think you owe it to yourself to take that break & clear your thoughts. You've been extremely patient & accommodating of her situation & seems you're getting nothing in return.
I'm sorry the kayaking didn't clear your mind. Guess it shows just how full your mind is at the moment.
I think you're now seeing that the red flags of the past are still there. Court cases or not these flags are her character & not going to change.
I'm sending you strength to make a decision on what to do. I feel you know the answer, it's just a matter of actually doing it.
Cmf
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Thanks for that my friend and yep , they have , l've seen them since day one.
l hoped they'd level out, then l hoped after the courts they'd level out, then l hoped with us finally having a clear plan for "our" future they'd level out , ha, and pigs will fly l'm afraid.
Your right it does have to be done . Even though it's still tempting to go ahead with my trip in July up to hers to be sure, but that'd mean still going on right now then until then and l can't do it.
l dunno how to explain it but some people l've come across them, seem to think it's your privilege to deal with their heads and they're just free as a bird to act any way they want. Lately l've considered she might actually have a bit of that .
rx
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No need to explain. I have to deal with one of those myself.
Unfortunately everything revolves around their dramas 😒
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Yep.
l didn't think that was it with her bc she did genuinely have some very heavy stuff going on for so long. But like we were talking her awhile back, it's still just coming out of the woodwork and when it isn't she acts like a pork chop and it just creates some.
rx
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Some people thrive on drama. Not sure why. Maybe they like the attention or it makes them feel important. I like things nice & peaceful. I'll help anyone if I can but won't make a song and dance about it.
Maybe, after what she's been through, it's the only way she knows how to be?
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Yeah she has a really busy mind/personality as it is always has had but all her crap or none crap is almost stimulation for her these days tbh l've noticed. She's a thriver .
Anyway last we spoke last wk l told her l have to step back for awhile l'm exhausted with it all sooooo. Don't know myself since l actually have room in my head again and l'm not weighed down 24 7. lt is really disappointing though and that what now feeling's in my face butttt , not much choice right now l need a damn good rest and think.
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There's a saying...you can't pour from an empty cup. You can't be there for anyone else if you're so drained. You owe it to yourself to take care of you now. You've absorbed all the negative energy now release it all & clear your mind.
Cmf
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