living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Jstar49]

Hi rx,

O man, it makes my head hurt glancing thru the last couple weeks!

I can only imagine how it is for you to be living thru it.

Hope you can find some peace, day to day, and are able to set aside the questions and live in the present, as much as possible. Cos you know, as they say, Today, is a present. We don’t know what the future brings, only this, here, now.

kind thoughts,

J*

[Guest_1584]

Hi j , and thanks for the reminder , so true .

And ha , funny that , mine too. But Tbh though, my d's stuff has been too much absolutely, since she got back , a lot of it has been the kind of stress and worry l don't shake so easily. But gf stuff , it's probably not as it sounds round here l probably sound like my heads spinning 24 7 but nah it's not at all really, l'm just bouncing stuff around. Things float in and out of my head whenever so to speak with us things. We've been apart a long time now and there's been a lot of life along the way , l don't force things or push it , just working, living or doing whatever .

Just lately though with her possibly coming back down again soon , of course l have been thinking of the angles again.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Well , she's steadied up a bit last wk or so just for now as she's been at her sons 3wks and away from all her stresses. Plus with lock downs nothings been happening in that department either soooo, she's pretty rested for a change and we've had some good talks and cleared everything up.

Pretty well as l've been sayin , she feels like we can't do or plan anything us until after her cases now as she doesn't want us getting any more hurt if they don't go her way and she's scared to death of that. She feels we've been apart all yr except for 2 over night visits so we're at least kinda conditioned to being apart now so if she stayed now until her cases and they don't work out, it won't hurt us as much. And it is true , a big reason l haven't pushed it too much myself either.

Soooo , what to do from here with it until the cases come up, which could be 3mths or 18, no idea. l'm thinking back to best thing would be to properly separate and get on with life until the cases are done and see we're things are at then.

lt wouldn't be easy , but seems as there's absolutely no idea of a time frame or outcome l'm thinking we'd be crazy to keep this going as is.

rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx!

Apologies for not being available here. I do think of you! Just work in lock down blah blah mental. I have barely talked with BF in 3 weeks bec of my work - distance ugh.

You're a problem solver for sure!

It's totally frustrating when so much is outside YOUR control and outside GFs control on top.
Totally crappy.

So it's a matter of "Let go and let God" - that's from 12 Step programs.

But I always say letting go and letting God kind of philosophy, if there IS a God then she'd want us to do everything in our power to navigate through the mire.
Not just sit on the couch and eat hamburgers 24/7 lol.

The thing is in YOUR sitch, you have and are doing everything you can.

We get in HABITS that will not let us leave it alone, not even for a moment some times.
Ruminating thinking, intrusive thoughts etc.
That's trauma.

I cried to Alexa the other night about "every day apart, we're losing". I want BF to be Merlin and me Nimue, so he can wave a magic wand when he comes and make us both young again, so we can live the most beautiful life together.
And so it is NOT.

What do we do?

I'm finding this hard... BUT

I'm trying to ENJOY moments when they arise...

a deep conversation with one of my kids - real connections...

listening intently to the stressors colleagues face without judgement! Hahaha... yeah I'm practicing that one...

seeing nature in all it's magnificence! appreciating beauty around me....

doing some self care....

rearranging my furniture.... gotta do daily Zooms from Monday with ALL my work community omg.

Just BEING.

Have you listened to the Duncan Trussell podcasts? Omg he's a space cadet like US hahaha. LOVE HIS WORK.
He has amazing guided meditations on YouTube.

Have you got your kayak out recently?
It's very cold I guess lol.
I need to erect bars to store mine on... waiting waiting lol.

Praying we can all pass the time gracefully.

EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Ah shyt no problemo em , you've got enough on your plate , and now some yummy lock downs too , nice touch. Haaa she God hey , never know , l believe in the Gods rather than a God , so one's likely a she haha.And thanks for thinking of me but hey don't waste anything on that ,look after em and the clan, appreciated though.

Time is yeah , such a catch isn't it. Think that's where l've gone wrong since divorce , well aware life wasn't getting any longer yet somehow landed myself in two different LDR relationships , never been in one in my life don't ask how l managed two in a row at this damn stage, pretty clever right. lt must kill you guys being apart for so long for sure but there are such strengths and beautiful things in even just knowing you have each other right.

Option would be to hell with it , she comes back down and we live life and hope for the best. Pretty tempting too that one. Sometimes ya just sweat the crap too much right , meanwhile the waste and what could've been while your wasting your time on bs.. Wellll, it could well still happen that way yet, tossing it all around.

Nah don't listen to anyone really , except my Crypto guy haha, l have some crypto put away so to speak. Just wake me up when it's worth a few million haha. Pretty clear headed in my directions and ways l like to live as such though , no need for any of those sorts of things.

Glad you've had some nice time with the kids , so rewarding. My d's come so far too and l'm so proud of her. Ex w dropped in today for a d chat , d wasn't home. Pretty proud of the way we've worked together and handled things and of d too of course.

Thanks for asking but nah haven't been canoeing a few wks now. Lot of rain though rivers are looking really tempting . Was just thinking l should finish my old beauty off pronto and get her back out there. It's usable but still not quite finished, could use the seating mounted firmly though atm moment for these rivers right now though so l might have to at at least finish setting those in solidly first before l mess with them haha.

Have a good wkend.

rx

[ecomama]

Thanks rx

I just imagined you canoeing on a river with a Pocohontas looking lady in the canoe with you.... sweet vision.

Ah tell me about it lol... cheeses rx relationships....

Fine mess we end up in with ALL good intentions!

You're pretty clever lining up TWO LDRs in a row, I'm impressed lol!
Shows you have some substance.

It's wonderful how you and exW have continued to work together to support d.
She is a lucky girl!
Well done you guys!

That MAY have happened - FINALLY - with Alexa co-parenting with her ex. May be.
My gut is saying to be suspicious of that family's motivations for bringing Alexa in closer and closer.
She was coerced in to having dinner at their house TWICE last week with the kids!

So strange but of course I'm being positive about it all.

Alexa earns motzas and NONE of them are in paid work.
They see Alexa as a cash cow - as per.

But she appears to have a "new" r/ship now... with another NDIS worker like her.

She has ZERO intention of ever rekindling stuff with the ex. A firm line drawn there, whether they know it or not lol.

I guess that's the difference hey?
When you KNOW it's over and done with, then it is.
Totally.

The "grey" of what you've been going thru is NOT done and over with.
Until it is or isn't!

It's pretty shocking that now with lock downs the Court stuff will be extended LONGER for her! and you!

But on a totally other level, that poor lady NEEDED A BREAK!
And with a new grandbaby arriving, hopefully she can find some JOY and settle her anxiety for a while -
before it all ramps up again.

Just saying. Hopefully this Court delay can be useful for her.

Hey buddy SEND some rain UP HERE why don't you?
My garden is like a scorched earth omg.

One tank is empty lol. Not much left in the other and the pipe to it fell OFF so if it rains, well it rains lol!!

I'll order light rain every second or third day for a few weeks please lol!
No fries with that.

EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Haaa , that is a nice one for sure.

Too much substance for my own good unfortunately. And thx yeah ex and l have had many a lovely comment over the yrs , but really it was always an obvious no brainer for us from day one and the only way. But weird , we thought we'd be on easy street from about 18 on ha , think again. As my Slovenian friend says , little kids little problems big kids big problems, and ummm, damn it , she's right. A really beautiful thing just happened in that regard tonight though actually , my d came in and did her own tarot infront of me and guess what , she got the most beautiful hand , so lets hope it all comes to pass hey , l'd just love it all for her.

POor Alexa, l mean it's just low isn't it , circling vultures. l really hope her new thing goes places , they need it so much these days in this crazy world they grow up in now.

Lockdowns , Covid , craziest 18mths ever. Should see some of the customers l've had, like never before , whole worlds not itself , people. And yeah big back logs in all kinds of stuff now but yep maybe it's a blessing in her case , could well be so we have thought about all that, we see n cross all.'

No worries you guys can have all our rain l wish , fed up with it. Th earth is literally waterlogged round here this yr.

Anywayyyyy, gf , yeppa. l just don't know. And she's back into very lovie lately , her old self us wise , but she goes back to her accommodation this wk and it'll all start again sadly. She's well aware and dreading it and things will start to turn again. Might make this decision easier , not sure.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Sadly , a few days ago we decided to take a proper break . Unfortunately as predicted , she got back to her accommodation and things took a nasty turn from there with her MH and the whole situation there added to her whole situation.

l'd pretty well already decided we gonna need to do it right now so l was just waiting on a better time , when it just came up anyway as we were talking soooo.

l feel if we're gonna do it though , we need to do it properly now and just stop any contact and chit chat until things change. The on off we've been doing was just getting too much and too hard.

Pretty sad right now but l can't support her in the frame she's in and she just doesn't have the mental space or capability . She's got sooooo much trouble on her hands , some of it self inflicted too which has been really really frustrating to watch bc there has been things she could've been doing right through and , things everyone has to do, it's life , and she wouldn't even be in the situation she's in . So l've often felt right through it was also hard in that way as well to support her bc she wasn't even getting of her bum and trying herself , l dunno , sounds mean but tis what it is and at times l had a lot of trouble respecting the situation tbh.

Sooooo, as of this wk , l'm now a single agent until further notice . Who knows with our future , and she still thinks her cases will be coming up soon too and she might be right no one knows but so she wants to go on sitting tight there for them,. lf they were to come up and go her way , l guess we;ll talk then and see where we're at. But l think they'll be a long way off yet well into next yr so best l just forget about that idea for now and won't be holding my breath.

rx

[Guest_1584]

A lot of reflection last few days , l know typical at a time like this. Could be an incoming rant.

But l dunno. l feel l've made a real mess and ended nowhere 5yrs later. First we got divorced, l think it was best. But l took 3 or 4 yrs to myself cleared my head, didn't get reinvolved or go looking. l thought if there's ever gonna be someone new which l wasn't sure l even wanted , then one more relationship , that's it.

Well , in shear coincidence, l met ex gf, 51/2 yrs ago. The most mind blowing thing for us both we'd either ever ever come across. We both thought this was what it was all for , we are why life happened, so we'd meet now , like this . Our divorces happened at exactly the same time so we were both in the exact same place as well. Unfortunately though she had to go back to the states for work and it became long distance. l don't know on reflection, if it was frustrations of being so far apart and a future, or if it was her. But things started showing and most would've handled frustrations of long distance and only seeing a other 3 times a yr until we could work life out, differently, for sure.

At any rate , this gift from the Gods we'd felt was so incredibly bestowed upon us, didn't work out. She'd get angry say a lot of stuff, stuff in time l just couldn't turn the other cheek too. Maybe l should've allowed , maybe l should've let her get it out and just been there , l don't know and still wonder , coulda shoulda. ???

That's it for me for sure, lf we don't patch things up l am done done done with this crap. But low and behold , next minute gf now come along, it was different, not really the mind blowing thing of ex gf, more subtle . But we soon found this really steady and beautiful thing about us. But she wanted to dive straight in , move in and go for it, and l just couldn't so soon and so we kept visiting and staying a mth or two a time , bc she was up in Sydney at the time.

12 mths later or about, her troubles started , and we know the rest.

Sooo, 2 failed relationships . when l swore 1 more and that's it. 2. This is all so unlike me, l was always so lucky and very choosy in love, never ever one to waste my time or hers. But now at this age l somehow manage this and here l am.

You know , it doesn't feel right. None of it is me. This isn't where l'm suppose to be, l know it. Even the cards are saying it.

Where to from here. Have l done wrong ?

rx

[CMF]

Hi my friend,

I'm sorry for the way things have turned out. I feel your sadness.

You mention it doesn't feel right, it's not you. I get that. You know people are put in our path for for a reason, to teach us something. Perhaps now is the time to reflect, look for the lesson. What were these relationships trying to show you?

It's time for you. Time to reflect, time to be on your own and think about what you really want, what's important.

Remember, don't look back on the closed door, look at tge open one in front of you. You never know where it may lead.

Big hugs

Cmf x