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living alone
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Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?
No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.
l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.
It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.
But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.
This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.
But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.
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Hiya cm and thanks for that,
Nah remarrying can;t help her legals or visa, that;s all related to ex h and goes back 10yrs, l wish it could help tbh. lt's complicated but she wasn't really pushing marriage as such just that she'd like to eventually and fair enough but we couldn't though until her court cases are done anyway actually. lt was mainly just the moving down but that was fair enough too l just didn't wanna rush it.
She still wants our future and marriage but she's scared now she'll get kicked out and we found out we couldn't reapply for a new visa if that happened , so it's all a mess and hinging on these damn court cases now.
Thanks for the thoughts hope your ok.
rx
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Well , on the gf front l;m losing the faith l'm afraid and this could end in a rant,
Sooooo annoyed and pissed off. We're still pretty well on a break for her end mainly with so much going on, still check in with each other a bit. But when it;s me her responses are just weird , just a few lines of what's going on and today she ends with just , l wish you the best baby.
l said love , no huggs and kisses you just wish me the best like a friend ? She says tired and sick baby , who knows , big hugs.
l mean- tired and sick , who knows , l wish you the best ????? no hugs and kjsses , this is the double dutch l've been dealing with , l should go out with the friend we know, but she loves me more than anyone ever , 4 days ago it was she may be back in a mth ! She's so everywhere and yet so unpin-able , the love and emotion is just not in there it's just not her at all but yet she come out with some of that stuff too .
Alright l am suppose to be being still and not worrying about it - counselor advice, but that's a lot easier said than done. l thought so much about getting involved back when and at this age 50s just scared of wasting time and going through it all again yet , 3mths of 3yrs , that all looks like exactly what we've ended up doing anyway , l just don't believe it .
l mean wouldn't you prefer to have love and support , a what was a solid relationship , a home , a future together backing you up , going through what she is ? She seems to be closing that of though and pushing it away.
rx
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Hey rx,
So I'm gonna put myself in her shoes. She's in a situation she can't change and loves someone she can't be with fully till the situation changes for the better. Sound like someone you know (me)?
I'm guessing she's feeling so flat and defeated. She knows what she wants and hoped for but to have a shot at it is all in someone else's hands. Her (and your) opportunity of love and happiness is controlled by someone else's decisions. She feels frustrated,lost, not wanting to hurt you but also not being able to see where the future is headed. She can't put on the loved up happy face cos she can't see a solution, a way out of the situation. She's rejecting the thought of support, family, love backing her up cos she can't see when or how that will become a reality. She feels she needs to pull away cos it hurts to wish for something that may not become a reality, especially after waiting for it for so long. She's pushing it away to spare the pain of it not eventuating. She's so defeated after hoping for so long and not seeing it happening as it's all so up in the air. She doesn't want to hurt you cos she knows you love her, but the uncertainty is too much 😔
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Thank you cm.
But my God you know though , that's all about parts of what l'd been sort of on one hand thinking, hoping in a way , well sort of, bc it would at least mean love wasn't a lie .
l've wanted to try to get stuff worded down here somehow , run it by yourself or anyone else that dropped in but particularly a females perspective. Tbh l also worried though that it might be dreaming on my part , wishful thinking , but at any rate, l just couldn't even begin to describe it and piece it all together though actually, she's been so vague. But you've done it right there so huge huge hugs and thank yous . And yeah , defeated is exactly the word l'd be looking for. Sadly the poor thing is very very much so , all of the above, itt's all waht's made her tired and sick and broken as she calls it.
The counselor sort of skimmed along it but tbh l was mostly guessing with her. Things you;ve said have made the puzzle actually fit though , and l'm not just saying that , it really has.
Could l ask you something.
So should l just stay away then do you think , get on with life , would that be easier for her ?
rx
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Hey my friend,
Gee, that's the hardest question. I believe she really loves and wants to be with but i s protecting her heart from an unknown future.
I need to think on that a bit more cos you could move on and then things work for her and you're together or you could move on, meet someone, things work for her...would you always regret that missed opportunity?
You def can't keep living in limbo. Would you want to meet someone else?
You Need to consider your happiness.
Cmf x
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Thanks cm yeah for sure , l need to digest too.
But yeah , a bit like your sitch yaknow. Almost 3yrs , l'm worried about my time and future as much as anything.
l've asked myself all those questions , don't know. But anyway l'll come back tonight, think on it. Hope you have a good day eh. xx
rx
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But yeah, they're big stuff you know. l've given things the benefit of doubt12mths now but yet she's wound up in this frame of mind. But not blindly l've been protecting mine too right through hence the not living together too soon and stuff too.
lt's where we're at and 6mths apart no end or answers in site now though so who knows but l've thought about all that a long time now. Supposing someone did come along it'd be down the track anyway and even more time apart by then l suppose so it'd probably sort itself out. Or maybe gf's got the all clear really all l can do is just see what happens all round, life , bloody life.
rx
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I know you're being supportive of her but have you cone straight out and asked what she wants to do?
Sometimes just asking the hard question can clear things up.
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Oh God yeah we've talked about it 100 times over the last 6mths.
She has no answers the poor thing can't have any you know because of the sitch. So for us over and over last few mths though all she can say is she just doesn't know anymore bc she doesn't know anything anymore.
lt's been such a sad and hard situation for her.
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