Left out

[Guest_53138389]

Hi, 

I am a daughter and I have a brother who has autism and he is 2 years older than me. I feel like he gets whatever you want. He can have a tantrum and I don't mean like gets whatever he wants I mean like if he wants to watch something on the TV and I want to watch something too. Then Nan says put something on for both of them but when Mum does he will have a tantrum. Then Nan says just let him watch something, just watch something on your phone for a minute well he settes down. After one minute of watching his show time, he will get up so mum can start the show from the start. and he keeps doing it. It annoys me. I just wish my mum had time for me and wasn't always spending time with him. I know she spends time with him because he has a disability. But hurts inside because I feel like she doesn't love me anymore. When he is naughty, Nan will tell him off but Mum always makes up excuses for him saying he has a disability. She never makes up excuses for me when I'm naughty. I spend time with my nan and pop. I like spending time with my nan and pop but I just wish I  could also spent time with my mum. I left out and I have nobody. I have no dad because my dad left me when I was a baby I wish sometimes my mum would spend time with me. Because sometimes I just feel left out, I feel like my Mum care about me anymore and only cares about my brother now. I spend time with my grandparents all time. Which I love spend with my grandparents but I wish me and mom could go shopping together or do fun things but she's always looking after my brother.

[Starlight_80]

Hey! I reckon you should suggest some mum/daughter time with your mum. She would probably love the idea! Suggest things to her like watch a movie or something together, go for a walk or a drive, or even just a home manicure/girly dress up for the fun of it afternoon? It sounds like your mum has a lot going on but it's good she has support from her parents. So she should be able to make some special time for you. Just let her know that's what you want! 

I hope that helps.. ✌️🙂

[Trans22]

Have you talked to your mother about your feelings?  It is very easy for a parent to focus on a child with problems and seemingly forget their other children.  I know, from personal experience, that it can be really hard to stand up to (confront) a parent.  There is a relevant saying that goes something like "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got".  It's usually best to have such a conversation when you aren't emotional, but controlling your emotions can be very hard - taking the time to put your words to paper might help.

[tranzcrybe]

As the youngest in my family (by several years), I received similar favouritism but it wasn't because the love was any more or less allocated preferentially.

The fact was that my powers of reasoning and negotiation (notwithstanding tolerance of confusing situations) were nowhere near the level of my siblings, so I always felt like the one being manipulated or treated unfairly - usually because of an unrealistic expectation that I should relate to their understanding of the world.

It's a tough road for you though, as maturity is forced upon you to make allowance and hopefully see that brother requires a lot of help and patience.

Mum needs you on her side more than you might think. What treat could you find for her to let her know you care and wish to be cared for in return?