Least favourite child

[smltown-girl]

Hi, im 21, still living with my parents due to no other houses available in my area.

recently, more then ever, its been hitting me that I genuinely feel like im under appreciated in my family and just a pure failure of a human. My sister is 18 and she's my mums best friend, especially since she's got a boyfriend. im single. her boyfriend stayed at our house for 3 nights in a row and she planned a weekend away with him and his friends, while we were home alone so our parents could go to a family gathering. we both have a younger sister and instead of communicating with me that she planned this trip away and asking if it was okay that I stay home and look after our sister, she just planned it and told me nothing right up until they were about to leave. As adults we are supposed to be helping around the house and she just doesn't. I cook, and clean, vacuum, stack and unstack the dishwasher up to 4 times a day etc. I cooked dinner for the whole house including her boyfriend and she didn't even help with that or pack up afterwards. when I try to tell my mum that I think its really unfair that she has 0 responsibilities and gets to leave the house whenever she wants and come back whenever she wants, she tells me that that's her choice and not to worry about it. but at the same time will complain that the house is always untidy and nothing gets done when im the only one that helps, which makes me feel even more guilty and makes me feel the need to do more. 

not only the family stuff but im trying to run my own business which isn't super successful yet and im barely scraping by and making a profit after rent and bills, on top of the fact I have a lack of friends. I just feel so tired and empty and feel like disappearing would just make my life so much easier. I would never go to the extent of harming myself or suicide but sometimes it just seems like the easier option. I can't talk to my family because they just argue with me or completely disregard my feelings, and my friends are happy in their own lives so don't really care about mine.

I'm not trying to get pity, just would really appreciate some words of acknowledgement or support, rather than an argument, any comments are appreciated, thank you for reading!

[smltown-girl]

It’s the worst feeling hey. And I feel stuck because there isn’t a way out for me as I’m still semi reliant on my parents, and i can’t afford to move out just yet so I feel like I can’t make them mad or I’ll get even more stuck. 
I worked up the courage to say something to my mother and I was in tears and it seems to have made her aware of the situation but most of the time it changes their attitude towards me for a day or two then we go back to normal. I’m honestly just looking at other ways to move forward and find independence. Like the saying goes, you never know what you have, until it’s gone. So in the nicest way possible. So I’ve made a list of things I can do for a few hours if I need to, just to get out of the house, such as going for a drive, a walk, finding a new series to watch etc.

but I’m completely with you, I’m trying to be optimistic of a better future, and I know that I’ll be a better person because of my struggles.

[white knight]

Many years ago when I left the Air Force I returned home. Worse thing ever!! So my mother began treating me like a 13yo. 

Eventually I moved out into a flat with a GF. But a friend of mine in a similar situation bought an old but small caravan and moved around in it but not too far from work. 3 months here, 3 months there. He also got a discount on park rents if he stayed more than a week eg 6 nights the 7th free. During holidays he'd tow the van to Queensland or WA.

The beauty of a van is its like a unit but smaller, cooking equipment, beds, power, no bond, an ensuite van is best  etc. Anyway if I was in your situation I'd do that rather than endure my parents.

Until then is is just existing and I have no other ideas left except moving into shared accommodation... not my thing either lol

TonyWK