Family & Boundaries

[sashamentalhealth]

Hi everyone, 

Just wanted to give a friendly reminder that its completely okay to set boundaries with family members who have hurt you in the past or those who do not respect you as a person and the boundaries you give them. I know society places a great emphasis on "blood is blood", but this doesn't mean that you're not allowed to set distance between yourself and anyone who is not good for your mental wellbeing. 

[quirkywords]

Sasha

I agree in principle but sometimes it is hard. I make allowances for family as I want to have them in my life. I think it depends on boundaries one’ sets and the reasons for them. 

[sashamentalhealth]

hi quirkywords, 

i definitely agree that its hard to put into practice as i myself have struggled with it and that so many factors are at play. i think its just a good first start to remind ourselves that we can have boundaries as many people feel guilty for thinking so.

thank you for sharing!

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Often the guilt associated with leaving a family members life has been caused by the person you are leaving. Leaving my mother a few times over my life resulted in "how could you leave a mother that gave birth to you" or "look at what you have done to your father" or similar comments. Even though my father had opportunities to visit me without my mother... it was apparently still my fault. 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/guilt-the-tormentor/td-p/321604

I think people need to draw the line in the sand and say on one side is unreasonable destructive and demanding behaviour and the other side is peace, encouragement and love. Of course you can have love on the left side but if it's smothered with destructive behaviour it wont work anyway and it would make it harder.

So yes, for our mental health we should always consider the action that will serve us with calm, care and consideration.

Good post.

TonyWK