LDR in our fifties

[Wrong_Side_Of_Fifty]

Me (52), him (58), we're in a long distance relationship. He is often insensitive or just lacking in care and concern. I am having serious doubts about our relationship, but he isn't. I have tried to have very open, honest conversations with him and while he initially is open to change and mutual growth, he then reverts within days and we begin all over again. I try to prevent him from feeling attacked, but it doesn't always work. We had known each other for almost 18 months before he moved away. We have a checkered past as he was cheating on me with another woman until a few months ago and constantly lying about it. He still lies about even the littlest things. He is self absorbed a lot and I feel that he still does not trust, respect or care for me as his actions do not match his words and he has admitted that he has cared more for other girlfriends more than he currently cares for me. He says that it will grow. But, as his apparent lack of care for me seems to become clearer and increases, my care for him wanes. I loved him long before he loved me, he says. My desire for him is also decreasing as a result. There are other details of which I won't divulge just yet. But, I'm hoping for some opinions and experiences to use to weigh up my choices here. I can give more detail about the betrayals upon request. Not enough characters left to do it in this initial post. Should I stay or should I go is my query, but a discussion of opinions first, please. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I've had 3 long term (each over 7 years) relationships plus this 12 year 2nd happy marriage. I'm 67yo. 

Among the many things I have learned is that the spots you identify on your partner in the first 12 months are the spots that wont disappear no matter the pledges. Therefore the flaws such as  infidelity, poor step parent material, trust, addictions, and so on are highly likely to remain. However this places you in a situation of frustration when your basic expectations are unfulfilled- hence your tone of voice with him feeling "attacked". 

I'm sorry to say that his lack of care will only be remedied for a very short time when you put it to him, then revert back. 

Also anyone over say 40yo is much harder for individuals to mould themselves into a couple to grow together. 

Finally, ask yourself, the man you know now, is he the one you can tolerate and, do you deserve better? Compare yourselves, your spots if you like. If your values are not close then how can you expect this relationship to survive? 

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TonyWK