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Knowing what you know now, would you enter a relationship with a person suffering from depression

Community Member

Hi all

I met the nicest guy. Everything is great, connection, communication, sex, my family loves him everything is great. We've been together for 8 months now.

The only problem is he suffers from depression. He gets really down and feels like everything is too much and withdraws from me for a day or two. This week he wants time apart to think things through but then turns around and says he doesn't want to lose me and we should be able to work something out.

I really like him and I think he is amazing and I am willing to support him where I can but I understand I cannot make him happy and I cannot change anything for him. That will come from him.

I want honest feedback from people who have dealt with this for years please.

Knowing then what you know now, would you have stayed in your relationship with a person with depression or would you get out?

Does the good outweigh the bad times or does it get too much too handle and affects other areas of your life like your kids, work etc...

Would love to hear from both sides and I will not judge. I am a bit lost myself and not sure what to do.

Thanks xx

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi WWoman,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your question. It's an interesting one, and honestly I'm not sure if I'm the best one to answer because I both have depression and have a partner with depression. But I'll share my thoughts anyway and hopefully you'll get some more feedback and insight.

I'm currently in a relationship and I have no intention to leave, even though it's not always sunshine and rainbows. I won't deny for a second that depression in general has affected our relationship - I don't have kids but I imagine it would impact them too. There's certainly been some really hard days - especially when when I'm depressed I feel totally unlovable, and when he is depressed I feel totally helpless if he's unmotivated to do anything. It's an even more interesting combo when we're both in our funk.

While I've been in my relationship for years, I do not blame others for deciding to leave. It's an incredibly hard thing to deal with and I think it's especially hard if there's either a lack of communication or a reluctance to get help.

I think the best insight I've been given in all of this is to imagine that it's both of you against the depression. He is not his depression, just like I'm not mine. Yes, we mesh with it and blur with it, but at the end of the day it is an illness.

I hope that this is somewhat helpful? I encourage you to look through the forums and in particular the supporting friends and family section since posts like yours are so common here.

RT x