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Just dont know anymore

Community Member
Im not sure where to start so ill just give some info. I have been with my partner for 2 years now. We have had 2 kids but lost the first.

All thru the relastionship there have been her previous males that she used to see msging her and when i found this stuff i wasnt happy. it wasnt just a simple hi its more of sending pics to her and telling her they want her and she even flirts back!! i dont get it. we had our first and we lost him. I thort it made us even closer.

Then i found her lying about stuff and then deleting txts saying that she has no privacy. I tell her about the msgs and ask why but she turns it around and makes it im the bad one. During the day if she is working i have to look after her other kids or the baby for the few hours at work. but now when she gets home she is on fbook and barley talks to me. always msging this one friend that is a female.

When she goes out with that friend tho she is never on fbook and may send me one or 2 msgs??? she doesnt want to leave me but she pushes me away with everything, We have sex like once every 2 months. she says its because she had a baby. but if so why text other guys and delete them. are they flirting? I just dont get it anymore.

I love her to the moon and back but this is slowly killing me inside. I couldnt live without my son so im not gona be the one to say its over. Im just so lost. Ive had a few past relationships where they have cheated or gone weird but my current partner gives me a feeling of love like none of the other ones.

I love her to bits but cos of all the txts and secretness i find my self checking her fbook wall and her phone bill to see who she has msged. I hate this. And her friend is the type of person that would support her cheating on me. There is nothing i can say because it just turns to fights. She is defensive about every thing to do with msgs or what she did when she goes out with her friend.

Am i just to paranoid? I have mates that have great relationships n when i talk it just seems they are like oh ok. I feel alone in this. My brother and sis knows whats going on and they have said to go straight to them if we break up but i still feel so alone.

I dont want to leave her cos i cant stand to be away from both of my sons. I couldnt spread his ashes because if we did i would feel like i have lost him forever aswell. but at the end of the day when she is out i just feel like crying cos its doing my head in.
3 Replies 3

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi need a helping hand,

I am a 51yo male, lost an 8 week old daughter to SIDS sixteen years ago and understand what you are saying about the ashes.

I cannot provide the support you need but I think you definitely need support. My personal belief is that they are ex's for a reason and I think it is reasonable to ask why she has unresolved feelings for not just one ex, but a number of them. Flirting with an ex, in my books, is never acceptable. I know you say this will lead to a fight but that is just to distract you from the issue. She should be able to explain why she thinks that contact is appropriate, particularly if she knows you are hurt by it.

Her behaviours can be complicated by the loss of a child but that does not excuse the way you say you are being treated.

Can I suggest you call the 1300 number on this site or use the web chat as a starting point?

Good luck with it.

Kind regards, John.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi again, need a helping hand,

I am wondering if you are going alright. Has anything in your situation improved? I'd be keen to hear from you.

Kind regards, John.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Need a helping hand, that's for providing your post, and I hope that you can get back to us.

John has provided a reply to you which I so much agree with, although I haven't lost a child, which I am so sorry for you as well as John.

I too agree that 'flirting with an ex or ex's' is totally not acceptable, just as John has said, and the question is why, the motive or perhaps her desire.

There was a time when I caught my ex ringing someone from a public phone, not once but twice, so I decided to look at flats to rent and was close to moving out, but it was my son's, especially my youngest who kept me at home, but from that day on I never trusted her and what she did, although we still see each other, ring and give joint presents to our sons, daughter in law and 2 grand daughters, strange isn't it, but we are better off as friends even though our marriage was 25 years.

It's a decision that is yours to make, but either way you are still going to worry until you know the truth, which I'm not sure you will get.

I would like to continue this conversation and perhaps BB might contact you to say that you have received a couple of posts. Geoff.