Is my personality destroying my relationship
My partner and I have been together for 4 years (engaged for 3 of those) and while I have no doubts that he is my one and only, I fear that I'm driving him away with my stubbornness and insecurities. We don't fight all the time but when we do all hell breaks loose and usually results in one of us leaving for a few hours/overnight/days. We had a fight today because he got some bad news and threatened to burn someones house to the ground and my response was "great". This spurred him to tell me that I am not supportive of him when things go wrong - which makes me really angry. He has since left the house to see a movie and crash at a friends place.
He's told me in the past that he doesn't feel welcome in our home - which is awful, but I can't seem to change my ways. As soon as something happens I just can't help but explode it's like my rage just sits on the surface waiting for something to jump at! We've recently starting exercising together because it's meant to release endorphin's so I thought it would do us some good. He absolutely loves it which is great, but I hate it and find that it ruins my day and makes me angry and upset for the rest of the day.
I literally cannot make any sense of what is going on with my mind or my emotions or my relationship and I feel like I am destroying my family. I don't know what to do...
A Big Welcome to the BB Forums and thankyou for posting too!
You are beating yourself up a bit....Just an observation from my point of view....
* Okay you do get involved in a fight....You speak from the heart....and well done to you
* Its not my place to say...but...as per your comment about your partner wanting to burn someone's house down is not healthy even after receiving some bad news..His coping skills arent there on that one...
* I read between the lines and I understand your response of 'great'.....Sounds like you are trying to cope with maybe a bit your 'partners anger' here? (if I may say that to you)
* Yes exercising is meant to promote the release of 'endorphins' and great of you to try too!
* If you don't wish to exercise that way...dont...period..Do something you want to....You come first...
You are an intelligent and articulate person...If it feels good...do it! If it doesn't let your partner do it.
If I may ask you? Is your relationship a 50/50 split effort? It takes two...which I feel you know anyway..
Be yourself...and more importantly be 'Kind to Yourself'
We are here for you
Like Paul, I'd like to welcome you to the forum!
It sounds as though both you and your partner have emotional challenges you need to deal with. You could both go to a counsellor or psychologist separately (so you can deal with your individual emotional issues and triggers), or you could have counselling sessions together. If this sounds overwhelming, that's understandable. Perhaps you could both go to your doctor (GP) together and ask about what services they would recommend in your situation (for the insecurities, anger etc.) This is something that can be easily avoided or put-off, but is really important to do. Seeing someone about these issues could be what helps you and your partner to turn things around and start being calmer around each other.
Hopefully you can secure an appointment. Good luck!