Is it me or them??

[Beans17]

Hey everyone, this is my first post. my anxiety has been ripe all weekend, I find myself looking at my wall for longer than I like to admit. The only thing keeping me sane is walking my dog.

i was dating a guy for about 2 months, he seemed perfect. Everything I thought I’d never find all in one man. My anxiety got the better of me after about 3 weeks and I tried pushing him away. He was confused but I snapped myself out of it and decided to open up to him instead. I told him about my past, my dad that was never there, my mum who’s suffered depression my whole life and put it onto me a lot, the bullying in school ect.. I told him everything. I really felt like I could..,

then a couple of weeks past and I had a concern in the relationship to which he turned around and said that’s your insecurity, not my issue. This became a more regular thing, he would say ‘you’re just being crazy’ - to things I asked my friends about and they 100% agreed that these things would bother them too,

he told me I should talk to a psychologist (he’s done it before and said it helped him) so I took the steps to get a health plan from my doc. (Currently waiting to book in). Yet still every issue I had he still just reverted back to calling me crazy. It was hurting me more, me having opened up to this man and then it felt like he was using it against me.

We had another argument about him going to a party instead of going away camping with me. Again, he said I just don’t trust him and I’m ‘not showing normal behaviour’ and he doesn’t want to be with someone he has to walk on eggshells around..

that was Friday night, he left, blocked me on everything and that’s that.

He has a lot of family stuff going on atm so I don’t know if it’s more of a stress thing, my anxiety was too much for him to deal with? Or maybe I am just crazy and expect too much?

Im so hurt, I really thought he was wonderful and I’d hate to think I ruined things by being ‘too much’ while he was already stressed out. I can’t even reach out to him. I just feel really shit 😞

[white knight]

Hi Beans

Im so sorry for your situation. A guy you’ve been so upfront and honest with then turns all of that information around to use against you- not nice.

And that lack of care and empathy is the reason I’m answering your post. Such people are not ideal partners for anyone with a mental issue. We can commonly accept friends that don’t have the capacity to understand but you are quite normal to be very disillusioned by his behaviour.

Now, there is another way to look at this. In a few weeks you might well see it as a godsend. Had you lived with this man and had children your circumstances would be much worse.

You deserve better and reminding yourself of that is essential. Furthermore, you should not change your procedure of reaching out to a future guy that takes interest. He is not that other guy. Basing your treatment on future partners by putting walls up due to one experience is not recommended imo.

Use search bar

the best praise you’ll ever get

anxiety, how I eliminated it

teply in those threads if you feel inclined or here

TonyWK

[Guest_3256]

Hey Beans17.

Something in your post grabbed my attention. You mentioned "walking on eggshells."

We don't take sides here so you are more than welcome to search me and read up on some of my posts about walking on eggshells. I'd like to also say that you are not a bad person and that you are defiantly not alone. Try not to look to deep into it, we all experience insecurities in relationships and it may be that this guy had experienced it before and has simply put up a wall to protect himself from what can be destructive insecure behaviour.

Also, I can suggest that you do some self-help and read up on walking on eggshells, there's plenty of info online and even a book that you could download or check-out. Please know that you are not a bad person for the way you feel and have been treated and that this person may only be doing what he may feel to keep his emotions safe or from being hurt - we all having some type of coping mechanism.

My final note - you still have the opportunity to make things better for both of you - it may be that you need to make yourself the best person you can be - for you.

[Juliet_84]

Hi beans17,

It kind of feels as though your new partner is using your mental illness as a type of get out of jail free card for any misbehavior, which is a troubling sign. This is a common manipulative technique used by a lot of people (sadly), making you feel crazy and doubt your own perspective on things (called ‘gaslighting’). Unfortunately people with mental illness are particularly susceptible as we don’t entirely trust our own perspective on things, so really do question whether it’s us. Your partner may not be aware of his behavior, or he may be, it’s hard to tell. As a first point, you can try talking to him and letting him know how you feel when he uses your mental illness against you. If he continues despite this, then you have to question whether you really want someone who is going to make you doubt your own reality and sanity.