Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Community Manager
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Is it emotional abuse?

Community Member

I have been married for 13 years. Over the last 2 years I feel like I have been emotionally abused. He likes to talk about my past (i was a wild child, experimented as a teen etc..) he did not in his teens. He likes to talk about my past sexual history (i feel as though we have been married for so long what does it matter?) We have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. He likes to make snide remarks about my past, he likes to hold it against me, he thinks he's not good enough even though I've expressed multiple times that he is. Today was kind of the last straw for me - he had a terrible dream about me and I have to deal with the consequences of that dream. Is this emotional abuse? 

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi SizzleW,


Has your husband only just in the last 2 years been bringing this up and is he talking about this with others or just you.


It is definitely harassment and yes, emotional abuse especially as you’ve been honest with him about your past.


I feel so bad for you.


Although my husband was my first lover, this means absolutely nothing to him. He still labeled me the S word and has called me a whore. There’s no pleasing some serial cheaters.


Ask your husband why this is now bothering him? It’s cruel.


Bless 🙏🏼 Fiatlux 

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi SizzleW


I think if we've asked our partner to stop talking about a topic that causes us emotional distress and they continue talking about it, you could class it as emotional abuse if the intention is to cause distress. If his own perceived inadequacies are playing on his mind and messing with his subconscious to the point where he's dreaming about things, the consequences are ultimately his to manage. Whether you help him with that is one thing. If some form of counseling helps him is another. If your husband has always been someone with low self esteem, perhaps this is the push he needs to finally address a long challenging issue. Sounds like the dream/s could be reinforcing low self esteem.


As a bit of a wild child myself back in the day (I'm a 53yo gal now), my husband occasionally raises the conversation of what a great drinker I was, as though it's something to be proud of. I rarely drink these days and am more than happy to have left those days behind me. They're days I'd much rather forget. When he starts to talk about it, I'll shut the conversation down, making it clear it's not a topic of conversation I want raised around me. Sometimes there's a need to interrupt the conversation and start a completely unrelated one or else I'll need to be firm regarding my request to change the conversation. While my husband has remained a drinker, when he's been drinking he's not always fully conscious of what he's saying or how I'm feeling regarding the matter. The reason I mention this is based on how the lack of consciousness of another can be triggering for us. Is your husband fully conscious of your wish to not dig up the past?