Hi SizzleW
I think if we've asked our partner to stop talking about a topic that causes us emotional distress and they continue talking about it, you could class it as emotional abuse if the intention is to cause distress. If his own perceived inadequacies are playing on his mind and messing with his subconscious to the point where he's dreaming about things, the consequences are ultimately his to manage. Whether you help him with that is one thing. If some form of counseling helps him is another. If your husband has always been someone with low self esteem, perhaps this is the push he needs to finally address a long challenging issue. Sounds like the dream/s could be reinforcing low self esteem.
As a bit of a wild child myself back in the day (I'm a 53yo gal now), my husband occasionally raises the conversation of what a great drinker I was, as though it's something to be proud of. I rarely drink these days and am more than happy to have left those days behind me. They're days I'd much rather forget. When he starts to talk about it, I'll shut the conversation down, making it clear it's not a topic of conversation I want raised around me. Sometimes there's a need to interrupt the conversation and start a completely unrelated one or else I'll need to be firm regarding my request to change the conversation. While my husband has remained a drinker, when he's been drinking he's not always fully conscious of what he's saying or how I'm feeling regarding the matter. The reason I mention this is based on how the lack of consciousness of another can be triggering for us. Is your husband fully conscious of your wish to not dig up the past?
