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Is depression the cause of my marriage breakdown?

Community Member
I'm not sure if this is the right forum to be posting this but here goes.
My marriage of 6 years (together 10 years, 2 kids) is currently at rock bottom as a result of a series of events which have happened over the past few months.

A significant life event occurred which caused me to re-evaluate things in my life and to finally listen to my gut, be honest with myself and work up the courage to tell my husband that, while I love him, I'm not in love with him. I've also since said that I want to try working on our marriage, because I don't want to throw away the life we've built together.

We have since been to a couples therapy session where the psychologist believes I likely have depression. Her thoughts are that it will be difficult to work on the marriage while I feel unmotivated to do so, despite saying that I do want to try. She suggests looking into medication.

Right now this is how I feel about it: I've had these feelings about my husband for a long time, even before we were married. I then listen to myself and be honest but now it's caused pain and hurt so now I should just shut myself up with meds..? I do believe I have depression and I am struggling with the day to day, but the thought of my true inner beliefs being silenced, doesn't sit well with me at all, especially if it means having to go through this again further down the track.

A close friend recently told me that while she was on antidepressants, her feelings about not being in love with her husband went away, but when she came off them after a year or so, the same thoughts came back.

I guess I'm struggling to know what's real now. Is it the depression causing me to think like this or are my feelings real?

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.
2 Replies 2

Hi Suzymoo,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support, you also never know who will read this post and feel less alone in their own experiences. We are so sorry to hear that you have been struggling with depression and the troubles in your relationship. We understand that this must be such a difficult and confusing time for you. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

If you would like to talk to someone we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We would also recommend getting in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships.

Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Suzymoo~

I'm glad you came here and have already met Sophie_M, who gives very sensible advice.

I guess you have two problems, one being your true feelings for your husband -and your family life. The other being if you have depression.

Now I can only really look at myself, and I've had bouts of depression, together with other problems. They became quite severe and changed my way of thinking. You were talking of love, and I know that I had no idea if I was in love, or with whom.

I was very disconnected from myself, and really had no idea what things were realy like. I most certainly was not in any position to make life-changing decisions, my thinking was too warped.

May I suggest you take one thing at a time? Deal with depression first and then you will be in a much better position to make choices over love and life. After all 10 years and 2 kids is a very substantial thing.

I'm not sure it is a question of disregarding your true feelings or shutting yourself up. If you are like I was depression is insidious and creeps up slowly over a very long time. It took a fair while to find out more about myself and my feelings and to realise the thoughts I'd had before were generated by the illness..

If you think your current psychologist is in error, either about the depression, or about the method of treatment I'd suggest you get a second opinion and see what happens.

Takng medication is a serious business, but can, for some people when the right regimen is established give great benefit. I have taken meds for an awful long time now. At first they were ineffective or had unwelcome side effects, however after trialing a fair number I'm lucky enough to be on a type and dosage that lets me live a happy and productive life -with love - and no discernible side effects.

Trying to deal with all this by yourself is hard, and maybe your husband might not be the right person to talk with all the time - he will most probably be very emotionally involved. Is there anyone else in your family, or a friend, you can talk frankly to and feel support?

I hope to talk with you again