Internet gaming -how it impacts on the family

Yellow_Rose · ‎12-02-2018

I believe my husband has an addiction to internet gaming. He spends a lot of time playing the games, if he was not playing the games he would be watching tv, (so that itself is not an issue), it's the monies being spent on the games, that we do not have. Last time I brought this up with my husband, approx. 6 months ago, he had a breakdown. It's as though he uses the gaming as a way to deal with his anxieties, depression. Internet gaming is a trap, luring people to spend more monies as they face each challenge, to keep up with the others, at our expense. He is now trying to hide the expense by buying the facebook vouchers when doing the grocery shopping. How do I approach the subject again?

Moonbeam12 · ‎12-02-2018

Hey yellow rose,

i don’t have much knowledge about gambling addiction but me myself having a long term alcohol dependency when people approach the matter to begin with I got very defensive. Only I can make the change and you have to want to which is the hard part. Your circumstance is rather different though and it is a lure, there are psychological tricks gaming uses to hook the person and it can feel like relief to that person. I would approach by saying I don’t blame you, I love you, please would you consider seeing a professional of your choice because I’m concerned and don’t want things to get worse.

He is lucky you care so much but I know for loved ones of an addict it’s equally as challenging for them too. Look after you too.

Jessicatherese94 · ‎14-02-2018

Hi Yellow Rose, it's very common for people to feel extremely defensive and embarrassed when confronted about a problem or perhaps an addiction. I agree with Moonbeam, I think you should come from a loving place and just let him know that you aren't disappointed or mad, but that you think he needs some professional help with what's going on. I think just letting him know that you're not angry (even if you might be) and that you really think he should talk it out with someone.

Morpork79 · ‎16-02-2018

Hi Yellow Rose. I am currently in a similar situation to you. My partner spends approximately 5 hours per night gaming plus usually drinks with this. At the weekend If we don't go away.....on a Saturday it can get up to 8 hours in one day. In addition I have moved countries for his work to be with him. I'm very frustrated as gaming is his priority after work and he does the least possible to help me with chores. I hope your husband can limit his game time. It's very frustrating and I worry about having a child with him. Right now I am watching him game! If he's not gaming he's watching others game in YouTube.

smallwolf · ‎17-02-2018

Hi,

Sorry that I cannot answer your questions directly, but possibly an insight from the other side...

I play online games also. Not as much as I used to but... The other difference is mine were free to play, but had micro-transactions. I was and am still working. The reason why people play these games are

1. They are a form of release from the real world and associated stresses.

2. Some people I played with from other countries (different timezone) were unemployed, and these games provide a sense of accomplishment and a virtual social community.

In summary, the games start as a means of escape but towards the end of the game, becomes a case of having to keep up. And in one sense, the escape from real life, is replaced with having to stay in the game. A different type of stress. Of course, this depends on the game, and the "friends" you hang out with online. Some players in some games can be hardcore, and will kick you out of guild if you don't tow the line.

I would suggest that you ask him why he plays these games so long? Make sure he knows of your concern. Are there activities you could do together, rather than him playing games all day/night?

(In my state, with anxiety and depression, doing something with the wife is preferable to playing games by self)

I am am sorry for the effect, his gaming is having on your relationship, and if he does snap back to you raising the issue... Then maybe knowing from the other side might help

Yellow_Rose · ‎06-05-2018

thanks for giving me an insight to the gaming world. Yes, i understand it's a form of release, but he seems to be sinking more in the virtual world. I have recently discovered that he is spending approx $200.00 per month on the game. He has been hiding this from us, by buying facebook vouchers. It's frustrating as I have been working 2 jobs to try and make ends meet, for the last 5 years, whilst he has been battling his depression and anxieties. when i raised my concerns, he said "what do you want me to say" I have to be careful how i respond, as he is like a ticking time bomb. I don't want to push him over the edge. I feel like giving him an ultimatum. The game or us. It's affecting our two daughters (18 & 22) also, as they see their father as a bully, which when they showed me the definition of a bully, he does fit the description. He has been recently diagnosed with 4 types of anxiety, and panics leaving the house. i was hoping he would be admitted to the marian centre WA so he can receive 24 hour treatment. feeling at loose ends, do not know what to do.

smallwolf · ‎06-05-2018

Hi,

First of all, I just wanted to give you an insight into that world. I don't think that it is any good when it becomes an addiction.

So, what can you do?

Two possibilities... (1) Google search "online gaming addiction" and see if any places are near you and give them a call as to how to approach this situation. (2) alternative is to ask your GP (?) who to contact for this sort of problem.

Since you said that he has been diagnosed with a number of anxieties, I am guessing that he is seeing a psych* about those matters. Just wondering if he has raised this issue at all?

His reply also seems to be a recognition of the fact that he is addicted. I guess the question you could ask him is why he does it and does he want help in reducing the number of hours he spends on the games? (Remind him that you actually care?)

And I think that if you can get an answer to those questions, you can then determine your next move.

Things can get tricky when it comes to bullying. And in any case it is unacceptable. And if you feel concerned for your own safety or that of your children, there are services available. I just cannot remember the names. Sorry.

always remember the people here will support you. You might also be able to talk to someone yourself here.

Peace to you.

Smallwolf

Yellow_Rose · ‎06-05-2018

Thanks for your response. We have an appt on Wednesday with the psych, and I will make an appt with my gp. The bullying is emotional,mentally.(if that makes sense). It's hard to reason with at the moment, as he feels he is being attacked. He is also emotionally, physically drained with his anxieties.