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in love with two people (who are best friends with each-other)

Community Member

Not really sure where to start...

10 years ago I was in a relationship that lasted about 3 years. He was my world, was my everything, and he loved me with such intense passion. I've never been with anyone since that has treated me so amazingly and left my whole heart burning for them. Towards the end of the relationship we became restless and fought lots...we were young...and I ended up spending more time with his best friend than him. His friend would always support and be there for me after fights with the bf.

During the 8 years that followed, I was in a different long term relationship which ended due to severe emotional and sometimes physical DV. I had kept in loose contact with the above mentioned best friend of the first ex.

After my second relationship ended, two years ago, the best friend of bf1, struck up an intimate relationship with me. We moved in together very quickly and now have a baby. We are fairly happy and he is a very good provider for our little family.

Here's my problem...the only reason why I followed into an intimate relationship with my current partner (best friend of bf1) was because he reminded me *so much* of my first bf. Like little mannerisms, facial expressions and such, that he had picked up from bf1 because they had lived together for so long. At the time, I was lonely and bf1 was living overseas, so I never thought I would see him again.

Fast forward to now. Bf1 is living in the same city and working with my current partner (his best friend). I see him almost everyday and it's killing me. I know I can't pursue anything, I flat out don't even talk to bf1 when I see him. I've gotten myself into this massive mess and now there's a baby involved. I thought I would be over bf1 by now. But I just can't stop thinking about him. It's consuming me.

I think my partner suspects that I still love his friend and has recently grown a little distant. I'm not sure if I should continue our relationship or what? I definitely want my baby to grow up in a stable home. If I stayed in this relationship I feel like it could definitely work and we would be happy, but do not believe I would ever love him the way I love bf1. Is it better to be with someone because your brain knows it's a good decision? Or do you go with your heart?

Sorry for long post...please no judgment. I do love my current partner...it's just a different, less intense, type of love.

15 Replies 15

Thanks for your interesting perspective AAY

Polyamory is probably not my cup of tea, how do you deal with jealousy etc?

It’s something I’ve never really been exposed to but if you would like to further comment to satisfy our curiosities that is ok πŸ™‚ otherwise it seems like something that could be a useful thread on its own, as it seems many people may find your relationship dynamics helpful to their situations.


Hello avara89.

Jealousy simply cannot happen when all three factors (self assurance, self confidence and total trust) are present in everybody that is party to such relationships. Have you ever tried laughing with enjoyment when you are very angry? See what I mean by that absurd question?

Yes, I am minded to create a separate thread about that, and thanks for the suggestion.

Warm regards,

Thx Avara

Young can u plz let us know here if u do a thread i wanna learn about different stuff in life & very interesting

I don't always check out new threads cheers

Hi demonblaster.

Will do.


Hello demonblaster,

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am unable to fulfill your request.

Sorry about that.


Bumma thanks lettin me know.

Gotta roughy idea maybe why.

Guessing not allowed to say more here either?