Impossible living arrangement

[Heartbroken_mum]

Hi, my daughter & i planned on moving out together for 18 months. She found a place through a land agent she knew not in an area i wanted but thats not the problem she let an ex move in and hes gradually taking over the place with his junk & his attitude.  I nokd off yesterday & called her. They had a massive argument she left & called the police so i came home and we had an argument,  i told him to leave and he just wont.

He told me to just shutup along with many expletives. Hes so rude and entitled. He doesn't work & he treats my daughter like dirt. Tells her shes old (30) and calls her all sorts of things. I can see how effected she is and im scared to leave her alone with him. He just refuses to go,. Its completely mental abuse & hes got a shocking tember. My daughter just looks broken and helpless

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm sorry for the predicament you find yourselves in. Essentially this is a domestic issue that is causing great harm. Your daughter being 30yo is capable of taking action in the form of a court order if she feels threatened that will keep him away from her and stop him returning to the premises for a stated amount of time.

If she doesnt want to take this action and as you said - she allowed him to move in, then the issue is deeper or rather more complex than first appears.

I hope you find a solution but it seems you and your daughter have to come to an agreement on action if any. All the best.

TonyWK

[Clara1]

I can relate to your situation as I am facing a similar issue with my brother who has decided to move in with me. 

[geoff]

Hello Heartbroken_mum, letting her ex move in was a bad mistake and one way to get rid of him is to take out an AVO against him, which means he can't be within so many metres of her, and if he doesn't leave, then ring the police to say he's not abiding by the law.

He needs to go.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Heartbroken_mum,

We're so sorry to hear what's been going on for you and your daughter. We think it's so powerful that you started this discussion. We can hear it's clear to you that this is mental abuse, and so we wanted to pop in and let you know that there are a few places you could reach out to get some more specific support and advice.

1800RESPECT can provide confidential  information, counselling and support. You can contact them 24/7 on 1800 737 732 and they also have webchat here. They are experts in supporting people who are experiencing abuse and will listen in a kind, understanding and non-judgmental way. 

It must be really hard being in this position, feeling scared for your daughter and being treated this way by her partner. It's important to look after yourself while this is going on. Please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with, whether here on your thread, or by reaching out to the Beyond Blue counsellors, who are available 24/7, on 1300 22 4636 or online here. 

Here are a few other things you might like to look at:

• 1800 RESPECT’s advice on safety planning: thinking about things you can do to be safer while you’re there and as you plan to leave.
• It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.

Thank you so much for sharing here. We can hear that Clara1 relates to this too and is also dealing with abuse and housing, so we’re really glad you could share this and start such an important conversation here.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Bob_22]

Hi Heartbroken_mum,

I'm sorry to hear about the situation you and your daughter are in. As Sophie M mentioned, 1800 respect is a great resource for those affected by domestic and intimate partner violence and can provide counselling as well as resources. Otherwise, if you feel the safety of your daughter is threatened then law enforcement is the best place to go and as Tony mentioned a court order might be warranted in which he will need to leave the home. 

I'm sorry that you're in this situation and hope it resolves soon. In the meantime, as Sophie M mentioned, please take care of yourself.

Bob

[Heartbroken_mum]

Thankyou everyone for the various information. He finally left last Saturday, the problem now is he has a tonne of stuff to collect & he has house keys & remote. He said he was coming over Thursday to grab his 2 motorbikes but didnt and we waited all day today for him to grab half a carload. Its so frustrating! He will come here when we are at work Monday guaranteed!

Such a bullshit situation,. There is no solution 

[Bob_22]

Hi heartbroken_mum,

Thanks for the update. It's good to hear that he is moving out and I hope this can bring some stability to you and your daughter's life. Perhaps it be best that he hand over the keys first which should encourage him to quickly gather his belongings while someone is home. Keep us updated and hope things go well this week.

Bob