Im just so lonely

Jansmy · ‎02-11-2016

I hate living alone.. I work fulltime so I have company in the day but the evenings are hell. I have a boyfriend of just over a year, we dont live together yet as he is too scared of moving in due to being burnt in a previous relationship. My children are grown and live interstate. My boyfriend does shifts so is normally at work in the evening so I sit at home alone and overthink everything then when I do see him I am so worked up over nothing that we end up arguing. No wonder he wont move in with me, but I just cant help it. I just feel so disconnected from everyone, like what am I and whats it all for? I can go days without really really connecting with someone. I seem to spend all my life crying. I do go to a couple of hobbie clubs during the week but as soon as I walk in through my front door Im crying again. I love my home but I hate it being empty, just like me

Zeal · ‎02-11-2016

Hi Jansmy,

Welcome to the forum!

Loneliness can certainly cause you to feel sad and downhearted. If you don't mind me asking, how long has living alone made you feel this way? It's a shame your boyfriend had a bad experience with his previous relationship, and is hesitant to move in as a result.

Do you have any pets, by the way? Pets are in no way a replacement for human companionship, but they are the next best thing. Dogs are arguably more companionable, but they take more work to look after. As you work full-time, I imagine you'd be quite tired when you get home. Getting a grown-cat that is an 'inside' cat is an option. You could keep an eye out for anyone who is looking to give away a cat. However, this depends on whether you like cats! As a child I didn't, but I changed my mind once my family got our first cat when I was about 12.

This overthinking you mention sounds frustrating. I tend to overthink as well, especially when I feel alone. It doesn't sound as though you have a mental health condition, but I'm only going by your post, so it's important to see a doctor (GP) if you feel you need support. This site has some useful links and tips for different situations and stages of life: http://www.mindhealthconnect.org.au/

If you'd like to talk more about what's going on in your life, you are welcome to post back here 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

BballJ · ‎02-11-2016

Hi Jansmy,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Sorry to hear what you are going through, I can't stand when I am home alone so I feel for you that you are all the time. You said you go to hobby clubs, did you make any friends there you may be able to grab a coffee with or something?

Also, I would recommend if you're a little bored and want a distraction, these forums are great not only for support but for also just going to the social section (The BB Cafe) and just talking to many lovely people about everyday things to take your mind off your loneliness. This place helped me with that and I have met some amazing people on here, people I wish I could repay somehow.

My best for you,

Jay

Jansmy · ‎03-11-2016

Hi Jay, Thanks for your reply. Im so glad to hear Im not the only one that hates being home alone... That helps. I have made friends at my clubs, I do have a lot of friends but during the week everyone is so busy, with working, families, all their own responsibilities you know how it is. Thanks for your advice I will look at the BB Cafe.

Jansmy · ‎03-11-2016

Hi Zeal, Thank you for your reply. I have been feeling like this since my youngest son moved to Victoria with his girlfriend. Empty nest syndrome I guess. Though I do focus on my boyfriends refusal to move in with me a lot....I think and overthink and just get so worked up over it. I understand his reasons for not moving in right now, and Im sure he will eventually but I feel so rejected, like he is making me pay for something another woman did to him......I dont think I have a mental health condition I have never been diagnosed with one, but I do think if I dont make some changes then who knows what may happen as at times I dont like the thoughts I have. I do have a cat, but shes ultra unfriendly... a real "you are the master I am the cat" kind of cat.

Zeal · ‎03-11-2016

Hi Janmy,

Thanks for your post!

Though I can't relate to the feeling of 'empty nest syndrome', I can understand why you are feeling lonely coming home each night to an empty house. While you know that your boyfriend not moving in doesn't have anything to do with you as a partner, it would be hard to fully accept this situation. Unfortunately, you are being affected as a result of another woman mistreating your boyfriend. It may be difficult to talk about or mention with him, but do you feel that your boyfriend would consider seeing a counsellor? Some people get defensive and feel as though the other person wants them to be 'fixed', if seeing a mental health professional is suggested. Others avoid talking to professionals out of fear of the emotions it will bring to the fore, and yet others may feel that getting 'therapy' is a sign of weakness (which it fortunately isn't).

It's worth having a calm talk to your boyfriend about the possibility of seeing a professional, such as a counsellor. This Beyondblue page has tips on talking about a loved one's mental health: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talking-to-someone-you-are-worried-about

Here is a link that gives tips on working through personal distress: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=54

Best wishes,

Zeal