im inferior and inadequate and everybody knows he could easily do better

[Eleanor_Pearl]

he cheated I don't know how many times. We are in therapy and things between us are improving a lot. But inside I am in a dark place. I used to be angry about him looking elsewhere but now I'm starting to feel like I understand that there's obviously something he misses and longs for that I can't give that other women Can. He has attention from every direction, including my friend who was putting it right out there to him in front of me last night. I'm nothing. Nobody looks to me. I'm second rate and have nothing to offer. It's not just my looks or personality. There's a magic that other women have, a kind of sparkling appeal I just don't have. I feel like I need to stop trying to fool myself that i am lovable and somebody's The One. The more I try to believe that the more it hurts to see how inadequate I am. I feel like the more sensible thing to do is accept that I am worthless and stop hoping for that to change. I just want peace and maybe the only way to find it is to accept I'm second rate. I used to work in a very salacious industry where nobody cared who you were and you didn't care either. You just disassociate and find value in being wanted, even if only for an hour, even though there's zero respect. I feel like I just want to shut down my emotions and going back seems like it could help me do that.

[geoff]

hello Eleanor Pearl, I'm sorry you feel this way, but I'm not sure why you want to stay and be with this chap if he has cheated on you, surely you could find someone who will love you and have total trust in eachother.
It's not what you believe you can't give him, because he is distrustful, unloyal to all your needs, so leave him, he is only promoting people he wants to be around him, and I don't think they are deserving to be friends with.
Go and find someone else and begin associating with a new group. Geoff.

[white knight]

Hi Eleanor Pearl, welcome

Its tough putting up with this..

The fact is, if he was with anyone else he'd still be the same.

His attitude has resulted in your lack of confidence.

Best to begin a new life dont you think?

TonyWK

[White_Rose]

Dear Eleanor

Welcome to Beyond Blue. Your husband sounds like a complete waste of time, specifically your time. That sparkle you think you see in other women is not really there or it's a reflection of your husband's poor behaviour. It's there because other women are not accessible, they are forbidden fruit. Because of this your husband sees them as desirable and makes the effort to be charming and attractive to them.

He clearly doesn't care how much he hurts you so long as he can play around. He can come back to you at any time. Please know that is not an insult or meant hurtfully. This is how he views you.

The only way to deal with this is to leave. Get a good lawyer to ensure you don't get screwed with the settlement. Start making plans about where to live, preferably with someone at least for a short time. Find your lawyer first and ask the best way to get out and when to tell your husband. If you have a job and can afford a mortgage, start looking round for somewhere to live but don't buy anything until you have got a divorce.

Sorry to be blunt. These men are not worth anyone's time and certainly not yours. I have no doubt you are a kind, lovely and loving person. These are the qualities that make someone beautiful.

Start planning your get away but do not tell him until you are ready to go.Keep in touch with us here.

Mary