Identifying how to address the circumstantial causes that lead to feeling hopeless

Averil · ‎18-03-2017

Hi all..first time poster..appreciative of the myriad resources to assist those with depression/anxiety/feelings of helplessness & hopelessness. What I'm trying to sort through is how to tackle the life circumstances and realities that lead TO these feelings and conditions. I feel that if the circumstances changed, or were better supported or dealt with by me, the fallout would be less dire. Current personal issues such as bad eating, sleeping& spending habits, overworked partner distressed by my poor financial choices and disorganisation and very upset with me, as I can't seem to 'adult' very well - house cluttered, start many things but finish few so projects pile up, also children - one with a disability (who is a financial, physical, emotional and functional mess and often talks of extreme measures) & another with anxiety who is not working, a 3rd child at uni and needing support and constantly disappointed with me, concern for parents (dementia looming in one parent, partner with potentially bad intentions with the other parent), difficult work situation. This list makes it seem reasonable that one might feel overwhelmed and hopeless. I feel like..rather than get help around my feelings, I need help with sorting out and changing or managing all of these things... and standing at the foot of this mountain...I'm not sure which foot to put where to conquer it!! Any suggestions would be appreciated!!!

Nikkir · ‎18-03-2017

Hi Averil,

Thank you for your post, wow you are so brave and amazing how much you have to do and how selfless you are and concerned with the wellbeing of others. Firstly no wonder you are overwhelmed, what you are going through and what you have to do is overwhelming to any human being. The thing that comes to mind is self care and prioritizing. I know its easier said than done but you cannot possibly sustain yourself if you are giving all of that energy and worry and nothing is filling up your own tank. Even if you find 10 minutes a day, wake up 10 minutes earlier or after everyone is in bed do something for yourself in each day, even if it is a meditation, bath, walk in nature, you tube whatever is nurturing for you. Also plan things for yourself that you can look forward to it doesnt have to be expensive, or for a long time and put it in your diary like a date with yourself. Secondly is there anyone that can help you or any services that can help you ? You can call our number 1300 22 4636, they are good with resources and referrals or even http://www.arafmi.org/ and carers australia can provide telephone counselling sessions which might be useful, just to have someone to talk to. You can also get a referral from your GP and also talk about your self and general well being, if you saw a professional you could work out strategies of dealing with daily life and how to cope. Finding a professional is on our website. You are also most welcome to chat to us here. I really feel for you and just know you are amazing and so giving but as they say "even in an aeroplane you got to put your own oxygen mask on first " before you can help others. You are not alone and best wishes Nikkir x

Averil · ‎19-03-2017

Thanks Nikkir. I will follow some of those ideas up. Maybe one of these avenues will have some contacts for assistance with the practical things. I know that something needs to change to help me regain a sense of control in life. I appreciate your time in replying. Cheers, A.

Elizabeth CP · ‎19-03-2017

Hi Averil, Nikkir's suggestions of taking time for yourself is important & getting supports. I have had different issues to you including health issues & injuries, my husband has a degenerative disease so has had many hospital admissions & illnesses as well as other family stresses. I can therefor relate to your comment that if you could deal with the issues circumstances you would cope better. It is a vicious cycle with circumstances causing stress leading to anxiety, depression & less ability to cope leading to further problems. I am still dealing with this but I am seeing a psychologist who I find supportive. Having someone you are comfortable with who can listen & help you talk through the issues I have found really helpful. We tend to bounce around a lot depending on what issue is most important & sometimes that means leaving things we've been working on to help my depression because there is another crisis. Having someone reassure me that I'm doing OK under the circumstances is helpful. There have been times we've focused on things which needed changing & having someone to help me identify what I need & providing encouragement to make that change has helped. For example I was struggling trying to cope with work when my husband was in & out of hospital. It was helpful to talk through the issues with my psych until I could make a decision & then he supported/encouraged me as I went through the process of telling my husband & ultimately resigning.

Obviously your issues are different but based on my experience it would be valuable to find a psychologist or councillor who is prepared to help you sort through your issues , Work out what is right for you & encourage you through the process. Carers Australia can provide free counselling for members It is free to join if you are a carer which you are for your disabled child & your parents. You don't have to be formally recognised as a carer by the gov't to qualify. They can be a great help from my experience. The person I saw researched options for supports for me. The Commonwealth Carer Respite Centre is another good resource. You can look them up on the web to find the closest. They cn help find supports for you.

I hope this helps