I wrote myself off when pregnant, but I still can't stop

[Romes88]

I think I have alcoholism. It definitely runs in my family. But ever since having kids I've realised I have a super unhealthy habit of drinking to numb myself. I got completely blind when I was pregnant with my 2nd child and unfortunately it didn't deter me. I am my own worst enemy and I can't understand why I keep going back to alcohol. 

She is the light of my life, and now I can't believe I ever put her in danger, but still things get hard and I drink. I get a night alone, I drink, just to feel numb rather than feel the rage. Rage of two young kids pushing buttons. The stress of constantly cleaning up messes. The guilt of snapping at my kids. The grief of not being myself and not knowing who I am anymore. 

I know it will pass, but being in the thick of it sucks so so bad.

[Mark Z.]

Hi Romes88,

Thanks for sharing your story, I can't imagine how hard it is for you. 

I understand the stress of be pregnant and then raising too kids, it's extremely challenging. May I ask if your husband is with you and supportive or you are on your own? When you say alcoholism runs in your family do you mean he's also drinking and can't help?

You have good awareness that it's not right and it need to be stopped. It's admirable that you want to overcome this challenge for the sake of yourself and your children. I wouldn't agree that you are your worst enemy. You're trying hard, your enemy is your mental illness and your life challenge. What you need to do is to stop blaming yourself and try to find solutions with professional supports. 

I'm not a professional but I do have following suggestions:

1. Seek professional help. Don't put everything on your shoulder, let doctors or professionals to help you. You need personalized treatment plans, medication or therapy to help you overcome the addiction. 

2. Join a support group: connect with others who are going through similar experiences and receive encouragement and support from them.

3. Change life environment. When you say alcoholism runs in your family, you may need to consider changing it together with other family members, or moving away for a period.

4. Develop a support network: It's important for you to have a support network of people who understand your struggle and can provide you with emotional support. Do you have close friends who can be part of your network?

Hope everything will be better.

Mark

[Mark Z.]

Additionally, you can check this website: https://adf.org.au 

It's ADF - Alcohol and drug foundation. You can ring their advice line, or search available resources around you.

You can also ring BeyondBlue hotline for some helpful advice.

Mark

[geoff]

Hello Romes88, people drink alcohol for many different reasons and for someone to drink while they are pregnant is not medically advised, but even so that won't stop someone who feels as though they need it so they can cope.

Others can judge you but perhaps they don't understand the situation you are in, instead they could offer you as much help as possible because it's certainly not easy to withhold.

I would ask your doctor for the best help that is available for you and they ould put you on a mentl health pln, which entitles you 20 Medicare paid sessions with someone trained in alcoholism because there seems to be many issues that need to be talked about.

Parents love their kids but at times they can become a handful and I'm not condemning what you have done, that's your decision, but hope you can try and get the help you need, because there are ways that could be changed with yourself and with the kids.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

Life Member.