I have been depressed for little over a year. In this time I lost my self care and my will to do, well, anything. I have gone days without showering, weeks without brushing my hair and God knows how long it has been since I actually did all of my laundry. I am trying to get better and have seen my GP, started st John's wort, and am waiting to see a psychologist. But during these hard times my SO has been taking care of most housework. We fight about this a lot. I have broken down so many times and apologised and explained how hard I'm trying but he doesn't get it. He doesn't believe me.
we have had so many hard times. I am currently crying every night because he quit his job and we can't afford our rent. I work as much as I can bit as I'm a uni student as well, it's not enough to pay all the bills on my own. When I get upset about money or bring up expenses in any way he gets angry with me and tells me to relax and says it's annoying that I'm constantly worrying about it. I feel like I can't stop though because I'm the only one who pays all of our bills and rent. He also bought a new phone on zip pay (after I begged him not to) a few days before he quit his job and I still have to worry about paying it off.
I feel like I have never been in the right place through our relationship (I have had anxiety for years and have been realising through therapy that i was abused as a child). But I feel like I'm at an all time low. And I also feel like my SO has lost his patience with me. He is frustrated with me because I don't look after myself. And i am so broken because I feel like the world is crushing me down. I feel like our relationship has to end. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel here. We have been fighting constantly for a long time now. I don't even know when it started. We have had a lot of deep conversations where I cry a lot and he says he understands, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. He has some anger issues that he admits to, and every time he yells at me I just start repeating in my head "I want to break up, I want to break up" but at the same time, when I really think about it I don't know what I would do without him. I feel so dependent on him for stability and support because we have been together through some of the hardest years of my life as I have struggled to live with depression and anxiety. And I don't know what to do.
Has anyone had a similar situation? What did they do in the end?
