Oh nosupport83,
I feel the pain in your words and I’m so sorry. If it’s any consolation, I have some insight into what you are going through, I’ve suffered from health issues my whole life. I finally found someone who was accepting and I fell in love, only to find out fairly early on that he was physically and emotionally abusive. I stayed in that relationship for 10 years, and ended up suffering a stroke. I then decided that I had to leave him around the same time. At the same time I also lost my job. I’d never had many friends and had isolated myself to hide the abuse more easily. I was left feeling totally despondent, as every area of my life was literally a train wreck. But don’t underestimate your resilience, you are alive, you have lost the weight, you may be in pain now but that can also change. Don’t give up now - there’s a quote that reminds me of where you’re at currently “if you’re going through hell, keep going”! Don’t worry about everything at once, just break it down into manageable things. Perhaps you could try sort the pain first? I found that antidepressants helped me with unbearable pain (and also helped my mood). Once that’s under control, you can consider looking for a new job, etc. just deal with what you can manage at this time and slowly start making the changes you want to see.
