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I'm afraid of my own body

Just Sara
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

A few months ago I contributed some posts re sexual triggers. (Thank you Lats) Since then, things have become worse with me not even feeling safe to touch my own body. It's humiliating to say, but I've never had this problem before.

My previous partner ignored and shunned me sexually most of the time. (He would kiss passionately and touch me, then walk away as an example) When things did happen, which wasn't often, he'd find a way to play it down or turn it into nothing. I stayed due to his promises of changing. Now that we don't have any contact, my relationship with myself is suffering.

Each time I try, I have flashbacks of being 'taunted' and left feeling alone, unattractive and frustrated.

This is very difficult to discuss. Of all the triggers I've had to deal with, I was so proud of things not affecting my sexuality. But this too has been shaken. Don't know what else to say.

Dizzy


8 Replies 8

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Dizzy

There's that courage I previously mentioned. Wonderful.

Time can be your friend. Memories, the impact of them, can fade.

In 1996 I left my emotionally abusive wife. I had a week earlier planned my end. After I moved into a caravan park every day I looked into a mirror and in a normal voice said "Tony, you are a good man, you deserve happiness and you can make your future partner happy.

Yes it works.

People can destroy your confidence. We don't know if those that are abusive, bullies or manipulators actually have a mental illness. We do know they do the wrong thing and often are aware they err from what is best behavior. So what makes us, the mentally I'll think it is all our fault?

Care!! Consideration!! Guilt!! Loving, being mentally fragile, being easily hurt a target.

Once you accept that abuse comes in so many forms (even silence can be a form of abuse) and that you have been abused by a person you likely should not have paired up with, then you will recover over time.

Then you will gain confidence and meet someone that, in your case, will have the patience and appreciation you deserve.

Tony WK

Gruffudd
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi there Dizzy,

I think body image is both complicated and incredibly simple depending on how we look at it.

For me the answer to any issue starts with me. I know who I am inside and that has value. It is essentially the same person as the 5 year old me who had no emotional luggage. I know who I am and what I am drawn towards. That is the simple bit.

Relationships seem to get complicated. You broke up because of the way he was treating you, right. I can see that has left a mark and you are processing it still. Do you believe you are unattractive or should be alone? That sounds like his way of seeing things to me. As they come up, could you reframe those negative thoughts that are triggered so that they belong to him and not you. Then you could tell him to go away and send those triggers away with him.

It will be interesting to hear what others think too. In the meantime, don't forget to do the feel good stuff and look after yourself.

Rob.


Hi Paul and Rob;

I posted a response yesterday, but it hasn't arrived. Also, the section has changed from Sexual issues to Relationship and Family issues. I'm assuming the adjudicators have had a role in this but am unsure.

I want to reiterate from my missing post, self blame as you've both mentioned, is probably at the root cause of my problems. While reading your wonderful responses, I broke down and cried deeply. It hit a place of pain and confusion that's haunted me for many years.

I don't know if the content of my post was inappropriate or too explicit. But I've chosen to make a date with myself and give 'me' what is missing from others. I'm not ready to date in the community.

I hope this reaches you both.

Kind regards and many thanks...Dizzy x

I'm so sorry Tony, I called you Paul. Brain fart!!

Gruffudd
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi there Dizzy,

Sounds like you have made a start in a new direction. Good for you. One more little thing for the future. One thing a psychologist once said to me - you attract what you think you deserve. Thinking on that has served me well.

Rob.

Strong100
Community Member

Hi Dizzy,

I can definitely relate to that experience. One of the kindest things I have read on the recovery process is, that the same feelings that helped you fall in love for another, come from the same place as the feelings of self compassion that will help to heal your own heart. It reminds us that we can.

Google "18 things to remember when your heart is breaking marc and angel"

Hi dizzy

That's OK.

Google: Topic: is crying good for you- beyondblue

You are making such good progress.

Tony WK

Thanks to people such as yourselves, my life is moving faster than lightening. Your investments of wonderful advice has encouraged self insight to identify some really important core issues. Tony, your thread 'Planning for a healthier mind' is continuing to blow me away due to the responses of Paul and Elizabeth. Our conversations are hitting the nail on the proverbial head. What a great subject.

In that thread I mention my 'bubble'. As much as it protects me from others, it's trapped me inside along with my pain. Without taking risks to venture out and 'do', I've been surviving instead of living. Like you Tony, I need to look myself in the mirror and accept me for who I am and what I truly deserve. My relationship with myself, sexual or otherwise, is an exercise in honesty, trust and allowing me to enjoy life.

BB has become an assessment tool as well as a place to air my feelings and thoughts, knowing I'm heard.

Many thanks...Dizzy x